Life

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The Benefits of Slowing Down

There’s something magical about an evening at home. I like to putter around the house and put things away just so. 

Knowing that I have no time frame makes everything more enjoyable.  

I don’t even take my coffee to go much (only when absolutely necessary).

Coffee is a leisurely drink, one to be enjoyed slowly and to be savored with every sip. 

If I can’t sit down and eat my meal in peace, I’d rather wait. Eating in a hurry makes me sick. 

Of course, there are times when slowing down is not possible. I’m not delusional or rebellious when things must be hurried along. 

It’s just that life is hard to enjoy at lightening speed…

Why does everything have to move so fast?

As I putter around my little place, it’s nice to stand back and simply thank God for my blessings. 

  • My fridge is full. 
  • My bed is cozy. 
  • I have running water and that includes hot water, too. 

I can’t stop adding my blessings up! (But I will or else this will be a never ending post.)

Slow down. 

Walk around your house and property.

 Thank God for His abundant provision. 

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Assurance vs. Control

  I had an opportunity to interpret tonight! 

It was my first time at Victory Christian Church and my interpreter friend allowed me to help her out during a small group Bible study. 

Sign language is such a part of my life now. Meeting some deaf friends and getting involved in deaf ministry is an important aspect in my move to Tulsa. 

My first priority is being a student at Rhema, of course, but I can’t imagine not signing…

God is faithful, though, and He knows what He’s doing. 

Whenever you’re in a transition period, trust that God is working on your behalf and leading you to the right people and the right places. 

Sure, my involvement in deaf ministry looks nothing like it did back in Birmingham. 

And that’s okay because:

  • God knows my heart. 
  • God knows my gifts. 
  • God has a plan and a place for me. 

This is all the assurance I need.  

Interpreting tonight was fun because God opened the door. 

The biggest lesson I’ve learned since moving is that I like control way too much. 

Just call me a recovering control freak…

My 5th and final goal for 2016 is to stop seeking control over every detail. I don’t have to be a micro manager. 

Being in control is not my job –it’s God’s job. 

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Fences versus Prisons

“I’m cool with whatever. You decide.”

My friend looked at me with gracious (and patient) eyes as I sidestepped her question.

“I wish you’d tell me what you’re really thinking.”

The comment took me aback.

I am terrible at telling people what’s really going on inside of my head.

Never giving your input isn’t the ultimate form of humility and self-sacrifice.

You’re really hiding by slamming the door of trust and connection in someone’s face.

And you’re driving the people you love crazy.

I don’t care.

It doesn’t matter to me.

If that’s what you want to do.

We say these things, but deep down we do care and it does matter and you have wants.

It’s impossible to not care about everything.

(Can all of the exasperated people on the receiving end of these comments say, “Amen!“?)

I’m the world’s worst person at being an overly passive, peace loving person….

This is a real struggle for me.

My (un)natural tendency is to keep things buried deep down inside.

Another friend recently told me that standoffish nature in college held me back in many ways–and it’s true.

I kept people at arm’s length.

She expressed her thankfulness when I became a more open person. The change opened a lot of doors of opportunity that remained shut in years past.

Let me be very clear:

We all need to have boundaries and to guard our hearts. Prison bars and barbed wire fences, though, are a bit much.

Now, I’m building a nice fence that looks less like a maximum security prison and more like a simple property marker.

My challenge to you is to honestly answer the next question asked of you.

Can I get your opinion?

What do you prefer?

Is this something you want to do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Getting real

You don’t have to say everything that’s on your mind. 

In fact, I highly encourage you not to say everything. The amount of trouble I’ve gotten myself into by sharing my opinion too openly is ridiculous. 

Much of my heartache could’ve been avoided–if only I’d shut my mouth!

But there’s a flip side to this topic as well. 

I also tend to not tell people how I really feel or think. The natural peacekeeper in me hates conflict of any kind. 

And, no, I don’t have multiple personalities. 

It’s just that I over talk about the trivial things and not say enough when it matters. 

Can anyone else relate?

This is a real struggle for me. 

I’ve bitten my tongue so hard it’s drawn blood when I needed to speak and then blabbed about something trivial–like a movie or a singer’s latest album–for several minutes. 

Staying surface would be so much easier because there’s absolutely no risk. Funny, though, how you can’t talk about faith in Christ without going deep. 

I’m not saying to shove religion down someone’s throat or to act like a weirdo with no social skills either. 

The sincerity I’m referring to comes from being intimately seen and known:

  • Your strengths and weaknesses are out in the open. 
  • You have nothing to hide and nothing to lose. 

I’m not going to lie. This kind of intimacy frightens me. God and I continue to talk about this aspect of faith. 

The Bible gives us clear instructions, which trumps any apprehensive emotions I experience. 

We are called to live vulnerably. 

At work. 

At home. 

At church. 

Paul told the believers at Corinth to imitate me as I imitate Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1). 

His life was an open book–on purpose. 

I’m all about boundaries and I’m not promoting keeping toxic relationships on life support. However, our need for comfort and control is keeping us from being open. 

We all talk about “being real” but do we really understand what this means? 

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I know where I’m going

IMG_1694Many times the Lord gives me direction through dreams. I think of it like a road map.

“Audra, this is where you are headed.”

With a dream, though, comes the knowledge that staying stuck is not possible. You cannot decide to camp out on the side of the road when you need to be moving forward.

I find myself facing some situations where running away would be so easy. (I think by now my vulnerability issues are well known.)

During these tough times, I yell–I mean, pray–to the Lord.

He’s given me permission to be 100% honest with him. His exact words were, “I know your heart anyway, so stop hiding.”

God has seen the angelic side of me and the grumpy side of me. My prayer is that as I follow Him, Angel Audra shows up more and more. (Think halo not being held up by horns.)

Do you know where He takes me at the end of each conversation?

My dreams.

Remember, Audra, where you are going. Don’t settle for anything less than where I am sending you.

All of my tantrums are ruined by God.

I am pouting and angry and God just laughs. And HIs laughter is like a whack from a belt.

Then I remember my dream.

I’m such a hard headed brat……..

When God shows you something don’t let go. Take it and run. Let that hope be an anchor for your soul. Nothing will motivate you more than a glimpse of where God’s taking you.  

And no worries if you find yourself camping out either. God will help you pack back up and keep moving.

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Perfectionism is a choice

IMG_1566If perfection is unattainable, why do we keep striving for it?

Nothing will ever be perfect. The sooner you and I realize this simple truth, the sooner you and I can enjoy our beautiful, yet messy, lives.

Social media is filled with “inspirational” quotes and pictures about how no one is perfect. Thank you, Captain Obvious, this is not news.

Or is it?

Our obsession with warning others about the trap of perfectionism is an indication that many of our friends and family really believe it’s an obtainable goal.

And this is coming from a girl who knows its a trap and frequently makes the insane choice to walk right in it….

Notice, though, what I said: I know it’s a trap and I choose to step in it.

It’s time to get honest.

We all know that perfection is unobtainable, but continue to chase after it.

Maybe what we need is for our friends and family to say, “Stop it!” instead of hearing another inspirational message about embracing the messiness of life.

So, my sweet friends, I think it’s time for us to make a few changes. In order to do that, though, we’ll need to acknowledge the facts:

  1. You will never be perfect.
  2. Life can be hard and unfair.

Now, let’s look at those facts from the gospel’s perspective:

  1. Perfection was never an option. If we could be perfect, we wouldn’t need a Savior. Jesus lived the perfect life and then gave us all the wonderful benefits that go along with it.
  2. Even though life is not fair, we have God’s promises on our side. Everything–both fair and unfair–must work together for our good. Those are some great odds when faced with a challenge.

If you struggle with perfectionism, know that I understand your struggle because it’s my own.

My only request is that you be proactive in your efforts to avoid the trap. In the end, it’s your responsibility to make the necessary changes.

.

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Wrestling with the Truth

IMG_1694Who doesn’t love stories about go-getters who look adversity in the eyes and say, “I know you don’t believe in me, but I’m going to do it anyway”?

I know that I love to read about the tenacious efforts of other people.

Their lives are filled with adventure and learning. No amount of barriers or persecution will keep them from achieving their goals.

Are you excited yet? Can I get a hip, hip, hooray?

But there’s one person you don’t cheer loud enough for. One person who you think is limited or needs to be limited. One person who must not try unless success is guaranteed.

Yourself. Or, in my case, myself.

I’m not talking about becoming a pompous jerk who is self-absorbed.

I’m not talking about getting angry when others do well.

So what am I talking about then?

  • Allowing yourself to believe that you are talented, equipped, and able to do all the things God puts in your heart to do.
  • Allowing yourself to believe that now is the time to live your life.
  • Allowing yourself to try–even if you fail–and knowing that your efforts are not in vain.

Maybe I should just stick a Dear Audra at the front of this post and call it a day……

I struggle with these truths.

In the face of a great adventure with a greater purpose, I want to throw up. Knowing that all of the risk and work will result in a beautiful story, a God story, doesn’t make it any easier.

Remember what we talked about yesterday?

Following the voice of God does not always leave you comfortable.

But I would rather have holy discomfort than stay in any comfort zone I build for myself.

I want to be tenacious, but I need some help. Help from the Holy Spirit and help from you too.

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All I need is a cup of coffee and a little perspective

I used to be a chipper morning person. My grumpier self told her to get lost.

My younger siblings do not care.

They are loud and boisterous and excited about the day–even if they don’t know what day it is.

“Audra, what day is it?” Caleb asks.

“It’s Tuesday,” I reply.

His response is normally something like:

“Yay! That means we get to ________” or “What are we going to do today?”

Maybe us grumpy adults should be more easily excitable.

We tend to see each day from a more practical, soul sucking point of view. I don’t think we mean to, though, but it’s easy to fall in line with our work hating, wish-it-was-the-weekend culture.

Last night my little brother–in his childlike wisdom–prayed the most beautiful blessing over our dinner.

“Dear God,

Thanks for having us today.

Thank you for dinner and this time with my family.”

Amen.”

Caleb thanked God for letting us live.

And the thunderbolt of conviction struck my heart….

IMG_1692Every breath, every day comes from God. Begrudging my life and all the things I “have to do” is a slap in God’s face.

I understand that we all have hardships and bad days, but our worst day–especially if you live in the West–is someone else’s best day.

The minor inconveniences of our life will not affect whether we live or die. With that in mind, you and I have very little to complain about.

This is not meant to be a guilt trip.

Just call it a good, old fashioned reality check.

Sure, you’re not a morning person but you can be a thankful–yet quiet–non-morning person.

Sure, money is tight but you have food, water, and shelter. A cancelled Netflix account or a month without cable will not kill you.

Perspective has a way of making us honest.

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Balancing Acts

Healthy balances are hard to achieve. 

And isn’t that what we all want? 

Balance. Stability. Some sense of normalcy. 

A balanced diet. 

A balanced social life. 

A balanced budget. 

The magical moment of perfect equilibrium is always on our mind. 

It rarely happens….

I hate to be the one who bursts your bubble. Mine just got busted too. 

Dear Audra, 

Things will rarely be in balance. It’s a nice goal, but quit stressing out. 

Having no balance especially trips me up on bad days and I’ve had some doozies here recently, so you can imagine my frustration. 

I told you we were going to talk more about vulnerability today. 

Ta-da! 

Bad, unbalanced days send me reeling. 

I don’t handle them well. 

In fact, I was tempted to not blog today. 

I refuse, though, to mess up my goal and I refuse to not be honest with you about where I’m at. 

Some days Miss Molly Sunshine goes on holiday and her crazy cousin comes to town. 

I don’t want this blog to be negative, but I do want to be honest. 

You can’t be vulnerable without honesty. 

Things won’t always be perfect. 

People will irritate the snot out of you. 

Life will go on–even if it is a little off kilter. 

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Movie Review: The Age of Adaline

Imagine having the wisdom of age while standing at the cusp of youth.

It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? We’ve been told–especially us girls–that you can’t have both.

Enjoy youth and beauty while you can because it’s fleeting.

Here’s a short synopsis of The Age of Adaline:

Adaline Bowman experienced a weird scientific phenomena that stopped her aging process.

She was forever 29.

Of course, she couldn’t explain what happened, so Adaline spent the next 60 years hiding in plain sight.

No one really knew her and she preferred it that way.

On New Year’s Eve, Adaline meets a charming young man named Ellis. Everything changed for her on that day.

And that’s all I’m going to say.

age of adalineThere are some twists in the plot that I want you to discover on your own.

Now, I want us to talk about the meaning of life–in 150 words or less.

Let’s give it a shot.

Adaline spent her whole life running.

Running from her past.

Running from love.

She didn’t know how to live when she would never age, never die.

The line that stuck with me most was:

“All these years you lived, but never had a life.”

Wham!

How many of us are living, but have no life?

We’re so busy running that we forget to enjoy the present, to dream about the future.

Meanwhile, time is slipping through the hour glass.

Age and wisdom are normally synonymous, right?

Not when you refuse to move forward.

Not when you refuse to be known.

Time is slipping through the hour glass….and you’re stuck.

The Age of Adaline is really about getting unstuck.

I find the premise of the movie fascinating and it’s one of the best movies I’ve watched in a while.

I encourage you to watch the movie. Let me know what you see, what you learn.