confidence

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Untold stories

I want to write fiction this year. 

Writing this blog comes so naturally. I enjoy writing about life and everyday things. 

The conversational tone is my favorite. That’s why travelogues are my favorite book genre. 
In my college creative writing classes, my attempts at poetry were pitiful and my short stories were not impressive. 
It frustrated me because I have been a reader my whole life. Visualizing a story as I read is second nature. 

So why can’t I write about the stories I see so clearly in my head?

Two of my goals this year are to improve my writing skills and to write a few short stories. 

The only way I can achieve these goals is to change the way I see myself as a writer. 

I’m not some untalented wannabe who is barely scraping by. 

I can write. 

I have a voice. 

I will not give up. 

There are stories inside of me, as well as the everyday adventures I enjoy sharing. 

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Fences versus Prisons

“I’m cool with whatever. You decide.”

My friend looked at me with gracious (and patient) eyes as I sidestepped her question.

“I wish you’d tell me what you’re really thinking.”

The comment took me aback.

I am terrible at telling people what’s really going on inside of my head.

Never giving your input isn’t the ultimate form of humility and self-sacrifice.

You’re really hiding by slamming the door of trust and connection in someone’s face.

And you’re driving the people you love crazy.

I don’t care.

It doesn’t matter to me.

If that’s what you want to do.

We say these things, but deep down we do care and it does matter and you have wants.

It’s impossible to not care about everything.

(Can all of the exasperated people on the receiving end of these comments say, “Amen!“?)

I’m the world’s worst person at being an overly passive, peace loving person….

This is a real struggle for me.

My (un)natural tendency is to keep things buried deep down inside.

Another friend recently told me that standoffish nature in college held me back in many ways–and it’s true.

I kept people at arm’s length.

She expressed her thankfulness when I became a more open person. The change opened a lot of doors of opportunity that remained shut in years past.

Let me be very clear:

We all need to have boundaries and to guard our hearts. Prison bars and barbed wire fences, though, are a bit much.

Now, I’m building a nice fence that looks less like a maximum security prison and more like a simple property marker.

My challenge to you is to honestly answer the next question asked of you.

Can I get your opinion?

What do you prefer?

Is this something you want to do?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A life of action

I was taught from an early age that waiting around for God to do something you can do is wrong. 

God does mighty things on our behalf, but we have a role to play too. 

Praying is great. Faith is great. 

Knowing when to put feet on our prayers and actions behind our faith? 

Even better. 

I have a lot of friends who say God requires them to wait forever. He never seems to show them what to do. 

This has not been my experience. 

God has always led me to action. Very few times have I been told to wait. 

I certainly believe that there are times and seasons of waiting, of growth. 

But my problem is not waiting. My problem is hesitation. 

If left to my own devices, I will second guess myself in every decision. I willtake forever to make a choice. 

So, God always charges me with action. 

Audra, do something! Anything!

There’s nothing wrong with waiting on the Lord. Just don’t wait so long you decide to set up camp and are not ready when He calls. 

There’s also nothing wrong with making a decision, especially if you know it lines up with Scripture. The Bible talks about this specifically. 

I want to leave you with a list of practical ways to make decisions. 

  1. Pray. Talk to God and then listen. 
  2. Read your Bible. What passages speak to your situation? Make your decision accordingly. I highly recommend you don’t do something that goes against the Bible. 
  3. Seek wise counsel. You’re not alone. Talk to the wise people God has planted in your life. 

After you do these things, make a decision! Faith without action is dead. 

Learning how to know and follow God’s voice is the most important thing a Christian needs to learn. 

Indecision is not a spiritual gift or a fruit of the Spirit. 

Every hero in the Bible knew how or learned how to make decisions. 

Because of Christ we have nothing to fear and nothing to lose. 

Let’s live out of that confidence instead of quaking in our boots, afraid to move. 

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Rabbit trails about inadequacy

I enjoy walking to the bank. It’s a nice change from sitting  all day.

The bank manager normally mills around and talks to customers. Today was Friday, so he was dressed casually. Monday through Thursday he wears a suit–an ill-fitting suit–and he seems a bit jittery. I got to thinking that maybe he’s uncomfortable because the suit doesn’t fit him.

The sleeves go way over his wrists and his pants are too long….he reminds me of a kid playing dress up. Maybe he feels inadequate and that makes him nervous?

I realize I’m speculating and this guy could be the most confident man in the world.

But my imagined story is not far from a truth many of us face everyday.

Feelings of inadequacy can sneak up on the best of us.

I saw a girl from high school today in a restaurant. She always made me feel small and unimportant. When I saw her, I panicked and found myself looking down, willing her not to notice me.

I thought about her and the branch manager as I walked back to my office.

My rabbit trail of thoughts led me to this conclusion:

We all play dress up at some point. We all experience inadequacy from time to time.

The act of dressing up, though, is actually a great test of our faith.

Sometimes you need to do it scared. Whatever “it” is for you, I can guarantee you that the first few times you step out will require a great deal of faith.

Your clothes will be too big.

And then you grow in confidence until you’re like Arnold Schwarzenegger, biceps ripping out of the sleeves from all the muscle you’ve built up. (Sorry! My imagination just got the best of me again.)

 But growth like that takes time and practice and even a few failed test runs.

Don’t let these things keep you from trying.

Don’t let feelings of inadequacy stop you.