Character Corner

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Hospitality and the Gospel

This is ugali, merere (slippery okra leaves), and roasted beef

I’ve only been a missionary for seven months, but my dad and stepmom have taught me for years about the power of food, hospitality, and the gospel. They witnessed firsthand the door of the gospel close in someone’s eyes when a missionary is picky or refuses the food that is offered to him or her. This is the main reason why the Holliman policy regarding food is “You don’t have to like it, you just have to eat it!”

The point of this practice isn’t to be torturous, but to help all of us gain a perspective beyond our own desires for the good of someone else.

In my short experience in both Uganda and Kenya, I can testify that food is an area where everyone involved—both host and missionary—is paying attention at the beginning of a relationship. What I can promise you is that your ministry will not be far reaching if you come into a culture picky and demanding.

The door to the gospel is the kitchen door. I’m taking a few liberties here, but Jesus said, “Behold, I stand at the [kitchen] door and knock” (Revelation 3:20). Hospitality literally means to love strangers, and a stranger is simply anyone who is different than you.

Hospitality and evangelism go hand in hand because hospitality is an attitude of the heart. It’s an understanding that while we were far away from God, strangers to Him, He called us close. We are invited to be friends of God even when we’re not lovely or lovable.

Discipleship is an invitation to friendship with Jesus, and that invitation is often extended over a meal.

Peter was the disciple who first came to understand that the Gentiles were welcomed into God’s kingdom. How did he make this discovery? He was praying and had vision about a picnic blanket—once again, I’m taking a few liberties here—full of all the animals Jews were not permitted to eat. Father God said, “Take and eat” to the astonishment of Peter. Of course, Peter was a good Jew and refused! Father God challenged Peter by saying not to call unclean what He has cleansed (Acts 10).

What Peter learned that day was that refusing to eat, being inhospitable, was keeping the gospel from reaching the nations.

Father God’s desire was and is for all men to know Him. If His disciples refused to gather around a table, to be in fellowship with outsiders, then the gospel message would never spread.

Food and hospitality are a big deal in the kingdom of God because food is a unifier of people. It’s hard to stay mad at someone with whom you’ve shared a meal because differences are resolved around the table. Friendships are forged around the table. In order for any sort of relationship to be built, you need to be in proximity and to be intentional, and the table provides a set time and place.

Gathering at the table also brings awareness to the sad fact that not everyone has an endless budget for groceries. Most missionaries live in countries where the people, if they are doing well, eat one big meal a day. They might or might not take tea and refreshment in the early afternoon. Some families are unable to send their kids to school because the choice is to educate their children or to eat dinner.

Food scarcity is real! It’s not just a ploy of nonprofit organizations to get donations.

You quickly learn on the mission field that whoever hosts you is sacrificing to provide for you. They are giving you their absolute best and they are serving you first. Everyone else in the home will eat after you. They will be happy with what remains once you’re satisfied, and they want you to enjoy a second helping. You cannot be picky as a missionary. You just can’t.

I’m not advocating suffering at every meal to eat what you hate. How does God get glory in that situation? If you’re called to the mission field, get a hold of these truths fast! Determine before you board the plane that you will eat like those you serve. Declare over yourself that you adjust to the food and culture quickly. God’s called you to a culture, right? So have fun exploring and enjoying the area and its food!

My experience when it comes to food has been incredible. Doors have opened to me and I’m gaining a reputation as the mzungu (white person) who eats like an African. I can eat with my hands now. I love ugali, which is a staple dish in Kenya. Allowing myself to explore and have fun makes every meal fun. My body is adjusting to my new environment.

You can’t be a missionary if you aren’t willing to be an explorer. Maybe that’s an extreme statement, but I just don’t see how it’s possible to live in a country and not eat the food. This is why training yourself and your family to not be picky and demanding is such a big deal.

Hospitality is much like gift giving. You must learn to be hospitable and how to be a good recipient of someone else’s hospitality.

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Ordinary Hamburgers

 “This is just an ordinary hamburger. Is that okay with you?” 

I was invited to eat lunch with a few friends and they were bringing the food.

“Of course, I love ordinary hamburgers–I love all hamburgers!” 

And it’s true. I was not lying to my friends, blowing happiness and sunshine their way to be nice.

Ask anyone who knows me well: I’ve never met a hamburger that I haven’t liked. If I had to choose between a salad and a hamburger, a hamburger will win every time.

What got me thinking was the phrase “ordinary hamburger.”

My friends and I had a great conversation over ordinary hamburgers.

I loved every minute of it because I was secretly thrilled to be invited to eat an ordinary hamburger on an ordinary day for the sake of connecting with someone else.

I am a big fan of ordinary. 

If I had to choose between big, magical, once-in-a-lifetime moments and small, ordinary, yet repeatable moments, that choice is a no brainer to me. Ordinary wins every time.

Because 95% of life is ordinary. Chasing the extraordinary 5% is costing us big time. 

So, please, invite someone over for an ordinary experience, like coffee or dinner, and have some fun!

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Who you’re not

Do you know who you’re not? 

I realize this is a weird question. Experts and amateurs alike focus more on discussions around discovering who you are than discovering who you are not.

However, it’s vital to know both. 

You’re more likely to be counterproductive, pursuing things that are not related to your purpose, if you never discover who you’re not. For those who are Christians, you’ll also see more results in your spiritual life by knowing who you are and who you are not.

The topic of identity gets a lot of attention in our culture because our fast paced culture doesn’t allow much time for introspection and reflection. If you’re not moving at full speed, someone else might get ahead of you! 

Never mind the fact that life is more a marathon than a sprint….

By learning who I am not, I am freeing myself up to be who I am.

My focus is getting sharper.

My purpose is becoming clearer.

I compare myself to others less and less.

I don’t have to be you and you don’t have to be me. Isn’t that awesome?

Take my advice. Spend some time getting to know yourself. Then get busy chasing your dreams and helping others.

Know who you are, know who you are not. 

 

 

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Hoarders

Hoarding–of any kind–is not the behavior of a healthy person. 

I just heard about an animal hoarder on the news. His house and yard was PACKED with cats and dogs. 

The animals were malnourished and full of fleas and ticks. His backyard was a pet cemetery. The number of animals buried was indeterminable. 

What brings someone to behave in this way?

I think it’s many things:

  • Fear
  • Obsession
  • Lack of self-control
  • Mental illness
  • Scarcity mentality 

I used to watch Hoarders–until it got to be too much for me. 

Every person on that show exhibited one or more of the above behaviors. 

What always amazed me was the horrid living conditions most hoarders live in. 

An altered mind will put up with a lot…

The media attention given to hoarding serves as a warning to us all: The things we have are not meant to have control of us. 

In relationship to pet hoarding, it just goes to show that unhealthy behaviors affect everyone–family, friends, and pets. 

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Why I can’t care

” I can’t care about that…” 

A friend of mine was telling me how someone else perceives me. I appreciated the input because I’m not a sociopath (meaning I’m incapable of feeling one way or the other).

If there’s some kind of weirdo behavior that I’m exhibiting and someone else notices then I want to know. 

The reason I said, “I can’t care about that” is quite simple:

I’m a recovering people pleaser. 

In the situation being discussed, there was absolutely nothing I could do about this person’s perception.

So, I just can’t care. 

The alternative is that I become an obsessive, anxious maniac who can’t function when said person is around.

No thank you. Not interested. Been there, bought the t-shirt. 

We can’t control how others think of us. Even if we could control it, that’s not a healthy way to live.

I don’t want to be a robot, so everyone else has to be a robot? Where’s the health in that situation?

Perception is a double-edged sword.

You’re in denial if you think it’s possible to not have a perception about someone, yet you have to be on guard against faulty perception.

I have learned that a faulty perception is the first step toward a bad judgment.

I’m actually proud of myself today because I spotted a situation that is beyond my control, decided to let it go, and articulated why I was letting it go to someone else (i.e. my friend and now my readers). 

This is a step in the right direction.

 

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Internet 101: Knee Jerk Reactions

“Quick! Grab your pitch forks! Someone posted an article on social media that I don’t like!” 

You can’t scroll through the newsfeed anymore without seeing knee jerk reaction posts…

“I am outraged that this is happening! We must all protest IMMEDIATELY!” 

So I click on the article and it turns out to be a dud. In fact, the article is twisting words to make it read a certain way.

Don’t buy into every piece of click bait on the internet. Take 5 minutes to do a quick search and see if there’s any validity. 

And please, please, please don’t make leaping assumptions about the message behind something or “how it’s poisoning us all” without doing some research.

It’s time to disband social media mobs. 

What is it accomplishing?

Most of the stuff you see smacks of fear and 95% of that fear is unfounded.

Be careful in our world of hyperbole. 

I know it’s not hard to believe that the machine–media and politicians–want us to be in a frenzy. When the people are in a frenzy, they will make rash decisions and allow things to happen that they might not otherwise agree to under normal circumstances.

And, no, this post is not about the Orlando massacre, but the same logic applies. 

What I’m referencing is a social media mob forming over a movie that’s coming out.

Seriously? Take a chill pill. It’s a movie.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t go. There’s no reason to stir up trouble about it.

Don’t blow up the internet with your rage about something that you read in an article. I mean, everything’s true if someone posts it on a website, right? 

Yeah. About that…

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Healthy Introspection

Introspection: the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.

I am an overly introspective person.

Is there a group called Over-Introspective Anonymous? 

If so, I need to go because the amount of time that I spend thinking things through is astronomical.

And annoying…..

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you believe.

There’s nothing wrong with critical thinking.

It’s just that some of my “thinking” is actually tied to people pleasing. 

Ouch.

I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. Old habits die hard. Just when I think that I’ve gotten it under control….

Well, you know how that sentence ends.

If your thoughts constantly revolve around “What will people think of me?” then that’s a sign that people pleasing is your motive. 

Eleanor Roosevelt once said:

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

Loosen up!

It’s okay.

You’re okay.

Keep moving towards your dreams.

Put away the measuring stick. There’s no need to compare yourself to others. You’re not them and they’re not you. 

I say all of these things as reminders to myself, but I know that we’ve all been there.

This is when the healthy use of introspection comes in handy. 

I only noticed my old habits creeping back in after reading through my last few posts and thinking back on several conversations from earlier in the week.

Now I know what areas need more attention. 

And it has nothing to do with what someone else thinks and everything to do with me growing, which is the natural byproduct of healthy introspection.

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Thursday Night Lights

I made a new friend today. 

Well, I made several new friends today because I had the opportunity to serve during Thursday Night Lights. 

Every Thursday a group of believers come together to serve and eat dinner with the homeless. 

A local missionary to the homeless brings a truck and trailer loaded with picnic tables and other supplies. 

Different groups volunteer each week to prepare dinner. It truly is a collaborative work within the body of Christ. 

My favorite part was hanging out with the men and women. One of my new friends is a little girl–let’s call her Joan–who is the same age as my sister Sofia. 

She was super shy at first but by the end of the night I got her to smile at me. 

Her smile was beautiful and it absolutely broke my heart…

What’s her daily life like? 

What are her dreams?

These are the questions that were burning in my heart. And if you know me at all, I will ask her these questions in due time. 

I’m reading through Matthew’s gospel and already there have been 3 times that Jesus was moved with compassion when He saw the multitudes. 

My heart was filled with compassion today. I never want to look at a man or woman and not see them as Christ sees them:

Loved. 

Accepted. 

Worth every sacrifice. 

I know that there’s a stigma about the homeless, but my goal is to take all my preconceived notions and throw them in the trash. 

It’s not my job to sit around and rank the people according to their various levels of poverty. 

Who is that helping?

My only job is to love people, to be their friend, and keep pointing them back to Jesus. 

Joan’s smile is still in my head…

All I see is the bright future that Christ has in mind for her. I look forward to getting to know my new friend and helping her see it, too. 

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Avoid overcommitting

I’m learning that showing up is a big deal. No one likes a flaky, only when it suits me kind of person. 

Jesus said, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.”

I try to only commit to what I can reasonably do. Overcommitting was a major problem in my past and it led to me not being able to do anything all that well. 

As much as I love to help people, jamming my schedule full of stuff only meant that there was no way I could actually be of much help. 

I think about the requests that come my way now. 

Keeping a calendar is the best way I’ve found to keep from overcommitting. 

Whatever you need to do to show up when you agreed to show up, do it!

Being faithful in your commitments speaks volumes. 

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Filter your words

I scrap a lot of posts…

There’s no telling how many times I get to 200 words and hit delete. (Maybe I should start a file of my “Almost got posted” words.)

Here are a few reasons I scrap posts: 

  • I’m thinking too negatively about a subject.
  • It’s just a really silly topic.
  • I’m simply spewing unprocessed emotions.

I started this blog to put into writing the everyday happenings and thoughts of my 25 year old self. 

Of course, my mind always wanders back to you, my reader, because I want these posts to be a source of encouragement to you as well.

Years ago, a friend of mine jokingly said she processes everything through her Jesus filter. 

I know she was joking, but I seriously do process everything through that filter.

What would Jesus say?

What would Jesus post on Facebook?

A lot of heartache would be avoided if we’d only think before speaking (or posting). In fact, just today I said the right thing in the wrong way.

Did you catch that?

It was the right thing to say, but I said it the wrong way, so I ended up needing to apologize to a good friend of mine for not being sensitive to her situation. 

Words are powerful.

Everything you and I say is either building someone up or tearing someone down. 

There is a time and place to share unfiltered words and thoughts–and it’s not on blogs or on Facebook or to any random stranger you meet.

For this reason, self-control is just as much about knowing when to speak as it is about watching what you say.