Perception

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Why I can’t care

” I can’t care about that…” 

A friend of mine was telling me how someone else perceives me. I appreciated the input because I’m not a sociopath (meaning I’m incapable of feeling one way or the other).

If there’s some kind of weirdo behavior that I’m exhibiting and someone else notices then I want to know. 

The reason I said, “I can’t care about that” is quite simple:

I’m a recovering people pleaser. 

In the situation being discussed, there was absolutely nothing I could do about this person’s perception.

So, I just can’t care. 

The alternative is that I become an obsessive, anxious maniac who can’t function when said person is around.

No thank you. Not interested. Been there, bought the t-shirt. 

We can’t control how others think of us. Even if we could control it, that’s not a healthy way to live.

I don’t want to be a robot, so everyone else has to be a robot? Where’s the health in that situation?

Perception is a double-edged sword.

You’re in denial if you think it’s possible to not have a perception about someone, yet you have to be on guard against faulty perception.

I have learned that a faulty perception is the first step toward a bad judgment.

I’m actually proud of myself today because I spotted a situation that is beyond my control, decided to let it go, and articulated why I was letting it go to someone else (i.e. my friend and now my readers). 

This is a step in the right direction.

 

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A standard of grace

The line between business and customer, ministry and church member, can get blurry pretty fast. 

You can NEVER forget that numbers, statistics–the bottom line–represents a person.

Whenever I get frustrated, this is what comes back to me. 

You’re talking about a person, Audra, take a chill pill! 

Whatever problem I face (real or perceived) can be traced back to a real life person. A person with their own personality, flaws, interests, hurts, hopes, and dreams. 

He or she also has a list of problems….

A little grace can go a long, long way. And here’s another thing to consider: 

Most of the problems I face can be traced right back to me. Did I mention that I am not good at giving grace to myself?

About that….

Don’t forget about extending a little grace towards yourself. We all make mistakes. It happens. 

Let me be clear: There’s nothing wrong with having a bottom line, a set standard to aim for.

Just be sure that the standard you set doesn’t become more important than the people you serve and live/work with. 

I’m finding that having grace as my standard is the best way to go. It keeps everything in perspective.

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Shifting my perspective

I can’t imagine receiving manna from heaven and complaining.

Lord, we’ve been eating manna FOREVER! Can we have some lunch meat, please? And send down a jar of mayo while you’re at it…this bread is so dry! 

Okay, so I’m paraphrasing the children of Israel, but you see the point. 

My thoughts go to impoverished countries where they literally eat the same thing every day and are thankful. Variety is not important to them; having food at all, no matter if it is the same thing, is what’s important.

A little bit of perspective goes a long way in our consumerist society.

Last night I ate a dinner that was entirely provided–minus the butter and onions–by friends who blessed me with fresh eggs, cheese, bread, and herbs.

Wow. Talk about being spoiled…

Each bite was a sweet reminder that God’s given me some great friends and friends who are generous at that.

It also reminded me of our brothers and sisters around the world who don’t have access to food as readily as I do. Some of those brothers and sisters live in my backyard.

They are the chronically homeless.

They are the families who live paycheck to paycheck.

They are recovering drug addicts.

They are down on their luck war veterans.

They are the disabled who just need some help.

I am hanging out with my neighbors each Thursday and my perspective changes as I see what true struggle looks like.

My friend, you and I are blessed.

And it’s not about having all the coolest toys or the latest and greatest clothes. It’s not even about making the most money. 

My perspective on what it means to be blessed is changing.

 

 

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A life with no strings

unityPeople know when you’re a phony.

I know that I can tell when someone’s treating me more like a project or a prospect. It’s the fastest way to shut me down.

And it’s also an area where I have to be careful…

One time, my friend Holly Beth called me out on my general distrust:

Not everyone is out to get you, Audra.

Her comment helped me see that I was approaching situations all wrong. I had allowed things from my past to warp my perception of others.

The change wasn’t overnight, but it got me going down the right path. In fact, my problem with perception was something I discussed with my counselor last year. Her suggestions helped me even more to change my view.

I used to only see the strings attached to what others were saying or asking of me. My counselor wanted me to identify every string that I saw in a conversation.

The assignment was to give a name to each string. Then I had to examine it and see if there was any truth to it.

I saw a lot of strings that week and many of them were only my perceptions. The other person’s motives were pure! It was me with the problem.

 No matter the filters you have to set up to protect against faulty judgments, sincerity is easy to pinpoint. Finding out you’re nothing but a project or prospect is the quickest way to lose what little influence you may have in someone’s life.

In a world of posers, you don’t get many do overs.

This is why it’s important to be yourself. Period. When you’re okay with you are, you won’t get caught playing pretend.

 

 

 

 

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Note to Self: Don’t Ride the Gossip Train

don't forgetI remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

 gossip problemMany friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either. 

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too.

Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. 

The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.       

 

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Beware of Faulty Perceptions

I remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Let’s take this a step further: Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

This has happened to me several times and I’ve walked away shocked at how much I didn’t know.

I’m not talking about a topic that is foreign. Judging someone based on rumors, gossip, and hearsay has been going on since there were more people than just Adam and Eve on the earth.

All I want to do is stop it from poisoning my perception of others. Many friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either.

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too. Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.       

Take a good look in the mirror. What is it not saying about you?