Why I can’t care

” I can’t care about that…” 

A friend of mine was telling me how someone else perceives me. I appreciated the input because I’m not a sociopath (meaning I’m incapable of feeling one way or the other).

If there’s some kind of weirdo behavior that I’m exhibiting and someone else notices then I want to know. 

The reason I said, “I can’t care about that” is quite simple:

I’m a recovering people pleaser. 

In the situation being discussed, there was absolutely nothing I could do about this person’s perception.

So, I just can’t care. 

The alternative is that I become an obsessive, anxious maniac who can’t function when said person is around.

No thank you. Not interested. Been there, bought the t-shirt. 

We can’t control how others think of us. Even if we could control it, that’s not a healthy way to live.

I don’t want to be a robot, so everyone else has to be a robot? Where’s the health in that situation?

Perception is a double-edged sword.

You’re in denial if you think it’s possible to not have a perception about someone, yet you have to be on guard against faulty perception.

I have learned that a faulty perception is the first step toward a bad judgment.

I’m actually proud of myself today because I spotted a situation that is beyond my control, decided to let it go, and articulated why I was letting it go to someone else (i.e. my friend and now my readers). 

This is a step in the right direction.

 

A life with no strings

unityPeople know when you’re a phony.

I know that I can tell when someone’s treating me more like a project or a prospect. It’s the fastest way to shut me down.

And it’s also an area where I have to be careful…

One time, my friend Holly Beth called me out on my general distrust:

Not everyone is out to get you, Audra.

Her comment helped me see that I was approaching situations all wrong. I had allowed things from my past to warp my perception of others.

The change wasn’t overnight, but it got me going down the right path. In fact, my problem with perception was something I discussed with my counselor last year. Her suggestions helped me even more to change my view.

I used to only see the strings attached to what others were saying or asking of me. My counselor wanted me to identify every string that I saw in a conversation.

The assignment was to give a name to each string. Then I had to examine it and see if there was any truth to it.

I saw a lot of strings that week and many of them were only my perceptions. The other person’s motives were pure! It was me with the problem.

 No matter the filters you have to set up to protect against faulty judgments, sincerity is easy to pinpoint. Finding out you’re nothing but a project or prospect is the quickest way to lose what little influence you may have in someone’s life.

In a world of posers, you don’t get many do overs.

This is why it’s important to be yourself. Period. When you’re okay with you are, you won’t get caught playing pretend.

 

 

 

 

Faded Flower Child

Being different is okay. You know that, right? 

Personality traits are given to us by God to help and serve others.

Now, when I was in 7th grade, which was around 2002, I seriously wanted to be a hippie. 

Fashion? 

Who cares? Wear what you want! 

I had a globe necklace, a tie dye shirt, and mismatched socks. 

I wasn’t being different….I was just a weird kid in a weird (and thankfully short) stage. 

Be free, I thought, leave behind negativity. Societal norms can’t define me. 

But I still struggled because there is something to finding your place. Not being teachable, not accepting yourself takes a toll on you socially. 

Instead of trying to change yourself into the person others see, try being yourself. 

God gave you a unique personality and special gifts. Use them!

There’s only one you. 

Quit trying to be someone else.