Friendship

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Birthday Wishes to a Great Friend

bffl faveI’m going to do something completely cheesy today.

This blog post is dedicated to my friend, Bethany Fletcher, in honor of her birthday.

We met in college and became friends instantly….NOT!

In fact, I remember the time she told me that the first time we hung out in a big group she went to her room and cried. She also used to lock the door on her side of our Jack and Jill style bathroom suite.

Eventually, though, she and I realized (and began to appreciate) all of the individual qualities that make us both awesome. christmas friends

Bethany taught me about many things, but for some I am eternally grateful:

  1. Fashion–thanks for helping me get past dressing like a granny.
  2. Music–my previous musical tastes involved a lot of Reba and Patsy Cline. I’m still their number one fan, but my musical taste has broadened–a lot.
  3. Blogging–if it wasn’t for Bethany, I would not be a blog lover today.
  4. Encouragement–this chick has walked with me and encouraged me through some pretty dark times. She’s also slapped me back into reality, but it’s always followed by a hug.
  5. Jesus–Bethany’s friendship with our Savior is out of this world. Seriously. I’ve always looked to her example in how to live, love, and serve Jesus.

Bethany, I hope you’re okay with me dedicating a whole blog post to you. It’s just that you know I’m horrible at sending out cards…..but I do want you to know that I am thankful for your friendship.

bffl pumpkinHappy Birthday, BFFL!

I hope that your 26th year is awesome.

Know that my thoughts and prayers are always with you and, of course, Mr. Fletcher.

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Brick Oven Fun

I made pizza in a brick oven!

After the Job And Housing Fair, Dad and I headed over to Karl and Elinnor Tomerins’ house. They are some of my dad and stepmom’s oldest friends from Rhema. 

The fair was great. There is definitely work to be had in Tulsa if you’re not lazy. 

I’ll share more about my next employment endeavor when that time comes. 

Back to the brick oven….

Mr. Karl, Dad, and myself cooked a frozen pizza in the brick oven Mr. Karl built last year. 

We worked on getting the fire to just the right temperature. Dad and I encountered a minor snafu when the stone slab cracked from the heat. 

No worries, though, because we figured it out! 

I’ll end this adventure story by sharing pictures: 

 

Shut the oven door!

 
 

Mr. Karl and Dad


 

Keeping an eye on the pizza

   

The pizza was a little bit darker on the bottom than anticipated, but it was still edible. 

We had a blast making it and I’m glad we had the afternoon to spend with our friends. 

 

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The best of friends

Did you know that God is a friend?

The Bible says he’s closer than a brother. That means as much as your family loves you, God loves you more. 

God has many names, but friend is one of my favorites. 

Friendship, to me, is a precious gift. We graft people into our family trees and we share with them our treasures, our hopes and dreams. 

God’s friendship is the best in the world. 

  • He’ll never leave you or forsake you. 
  • His spirit–the Holy Spirit–leads and guides you every day. 
  • His Word is a letter written to you and for you. 

God is a friend. 

There’s been many times, when I’m trying to freak out about something, that I am forced to stop. 

I feel God’s peace, God’s love in the strongest way. 

Lord, I know you’re with me. I’m the one choosing to freak out–You’re not freaked out at all. You’re just waiting on me to remember. 

My friends do this to me all the time. 

They let me talk and vent before saying, “I see why you’re upset, but have you thought of it this way?”

God does the same!

He’s a great friend. 

I encourage you to think about God as a friend. 

This shift in perspective changed my relationship with God in a major way. 

He’s not some mean, old man who’s distant and cold toward you and I. 

God is a friend. 

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Things left unsaid

Many times I’ve felt bad because I needed to shut up and I didn’t.

Why did I say that?

Why can’t I keep my big mouth shut?

If you want to meet a connoisseur of crow, look no further. It goes great with a big slice of humble pie.

But, more often than not, my regret comes from a different place:

Why didn’t I say anything?

When I look back, there’s a lot of things I wanted to say. The words died on my tongue.

I wish now that I still had my childhood journals because I wrote down all of my rebuttals–after the fact.On paper, I was the most self-confident, well spoken person.

My battle with rejection kept me from saying much. It was easier, I believed, to not say anything at all than to lose a relationship–even if the relationship was unhealthy.

This obsession with not being rejected didn’t lead to greater acceptance. It only led to more loneliness.

I honestly believed that being a doormat was my best choice.

Each time a muddy boot plowed over me, I took that pain and buried it deep, but you can only bury things for so long.

Stuffing emotions is a lot like taking trash to a landfill. The hole is deep but it fills up to overflowing fast. No matter how much you pack the trash down, there comes a time when full is full.

I encourage you to not remain silent. I understand that confrontation is not easy. Not standing up for yourself, though, only leads to frustration and regret.

What you have to say is important.

You are important.

It’s time to take off your “Wipe Your Paws” t-shirt.

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One Uppers and Comparisons

We’ve all told a story and had someone pull a one up.

I’ve told a one up story or two or twenty….

It’s something that I am more conscious of now as I hang out with friends because there’s nothing worse than being one upped.

No one likes a One Upper either.

Here’s an example:

My first bass

My first bass

I went fishing this summer and caught two (small) large mouth bass–my first–along with a few brim and trash fish. It was a big deal for me! I was excited. Pictures were taken and hoorahs were shared with my family.

A few days later, I told an acquaintance about the trip.

“That’s nothing. I’ve caught 25 fish during one trip.”

My first catfish

My first catfish (It was a baby)

I had to admit their story was better.

Fishing is something I enjoy, but I’m not very good at it. I could’ve caught a lot of fish that day. However, my dead cat like reflexes, combined with being distracted by the beauty of the scene around me, meant that many fish passed me by (after eating my bait, of course).

I was still proud, though, of my two fish.

My conversation ended like this:

“Wow. It sounds like you had a great time. I’m pretty sure I haven’t caught 25 fish in my lifetime. But I am proud of my haul. I had fun too.”

Remember how I told you perfectionism is the enemy?

Comparison is an enemy too.

Someone will always be bigger, better, prettier, more talented, and smarter than you.

But what the world needs is for you to show up.

There’s only one ____________ (insert your name here).

You are special.

I know it’s easy to forget–I do it all the time!

Some days it feels like I’m the most average, boring person in the world.

But that is not true.

Put your measuring stick away.

You are special.

You are enough.

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Facing old enemies

Perfectionism really is the enemy. 

Everything you’ve heard about perfectionism is true. 

You will never win and nothing will be enough when you’re a perfectionist. 

I am a recovering perfectionist. 

  And today I experienced a major relapse. 

Normally, as I learn sign language, making mistakes does not bother me. 

Today, though, I froze while voice interpreting and I did not recover well from the stumble either. 

I allowed my mistake to throw me off. A few tears were shed…

My old fiend, Perfection, mocked me and I listened. He’s close friends with Satan, so he’s really good at his job. 

Thankfully, my friend and mentor refused to let me stew over the mishap for too long. 

I’m glad she stopped me from hanging out in that ditch. 

If you find yourself in a ditch today, I want to help you get out too. Don’t allow perfectionism to steal your joy and happiness. 

Do your best and move on!

Keep trying!

And know that I–and all the other encouragers in your life–will not let you stay in the ditch. 

Get back on the road where you belong. 

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Picture window thoughts

Does it bother you that my topics are random?

I realize that my posts range from super serious to total goof ball-ness (Yes, I just made up this word).

But that’s how my brain works….

I’m trying to find a flow in my daily blogging and become more consistent, especially if I say that I’ll finish talking about something the next day.

My thoughts, though, flitter and fly like a hummingbird. Or they attack a subject like a shark, leaving nothing but the bones behind.

No, I’m not ADD either.

I just love big ideas, the overarching principles that shape thinking.

Nitpicking tunnel vision bothers me. You lose sight of the grand design that way.

I’m not arguing against taking a strong stance, but I’m coming to believe more and more that you can have strong beliefs without needing to discredit and destroy those who are different from you.

I try to focus all my energy on building character and helping others.

No one benefits when you’re an idea bully.

Maybe your idea is the best. Kudos to you.

But no one likes a bully–even a correct one.

Don’t claim up and never share what’s important to you either.

Just remember that what’s important to you right now might not be important to someone else.

I think of it like this:

Friends have the right to share ideas, so it’s always better to be a friend as opposed to being an enemy.

So, we’re back to where we started: The randomness of my blogs.

I prefer the bigger picture, which is probably why I’ve always loved picture windows, mountain top views, and aerial shots.

My goal is for us to engage in meaningful conversations around the posts.

I want us to dig deeper into the whys (a big reason “daring to dig deeper” is my tagline) while keeping our eyes on the horizon, the bigger picture.

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Good friends are noticers

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6)

It’s hard to think of wounds being a sign of love.

But wouldn’t you rather a friend correct you, to notice and care about the decisions you are making?

This is a silly illustration, but it’s  a classic:

Having a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth all day, but no one tells you.

What’s the first thing you say?

Why didn’t you tell me?!?!?

Ouch moments are great tests of character.

Nothing says “there’s still room for growth” like your mistakes being noticed.

When facing an ouch moment, I have to battle three things: embarrassment, anger, and pride.

I have to filter all of these feelings–as well as who’s doing the noticing–before responding.

Please don’t read this and think I’m talking about rolling over and letting someone squash you like a bug.

Remember what the proverb said?

Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Friends correct out of love. They are lovingly pointing out your mistakes–not rubbing it in your face or shaming  you in the process.

Friends are trying to help you.

If all of your friends are kissing your cheeks and telling you how awesome you are….well, read the rest of the proverb, okay?

In a healthy friendship, each person grows.

Here’s another proverb:

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

If I’m not careful, I can resent correction. My natural inclination is to believe that others are out to get me.

But that attitude is destructive, which is why I have to beat it down daily.

Meaningful friendships are worth more than gold.

We need to give our friends permission to notice things –even the not so great things.

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My brain fell out of my open mind

I think that our culture has forgotten what it means to be open-minded.

Here’s my definition of open-mindedness:

I know what I believe, but I am willing to hear your thoughts. My belief system will not be shattered if we happen to disagree.

Scroll through your newsfeed or listen to talk radio. That’s not what’s happening.

We’re so “open-minded” that we can’t imagine anyone else’s open mind being offended.

Healthy debate is being replaced by political correctness.

Here is our society’s filter when making decisions today:

What if they become angry? What if they cry themselves to sleep every night? What if they’re upset, eat 12 pints of Ben and Jerry’s, and become fat? How can we make sure that everyone is happy?

Look, I went to counseling for a year. My counselor told me that trying to make others happy will only lead to my misery.

Happiness is a choice we all have to make for ourselves.

I’m tired of this politically correct world we live in. It’s exhausting.

No wonder it’s easier to maintain shallow friendships via social media than it is to hang out in real time.

Most people live in a constant state of offense.

You can’t talk about anything but the weather, cat memes, and Candy Crush. 

We’re so afraid to hurt each others feelings that it’s just easier to not talk about the hard things.

Our “open-minded” society, I’m afraid, is lonely. We desire connection, but can’t handle what it means.

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Note to Self: Don’t Ride the Gossip Train

don't forgetI remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

 gossip problemMany friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either. 

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too.

Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. 

The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.