Character Corner

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Movie Review: The Age of Adaline

Imagine having the wisdom of age while standing at the cusp of youth.

It’s hard to believe, isn’t it? We’ve been told–especially us girls–that you can’t have both.

Enjoy youth and beauty while you can because it’s fleeting.

Here’s a short synopsis of The Age of Adaline:

Adaline Bowman experienced a weird scientific phenomena that stopped her aging process.

She was forever 29.

Of course, she couldn’t explain what happened, so Adaline spent the next 60 years hiding in plain sight.

No one really knew her and she preferred it that way.

On New Year’s Eve, Adaline meets a charming young man named Ellis. Everything changed for her on that day.

And that’s all I’m going to say.

age of adalineThere are some twists in the plot that I want you to discover on your own.

Now, I want us to talk about the meaning of life–in 150 words or less.

Let’s give it a shot.

Adaline spent her whole life running.

Running from her past.

Running from love.

She didn’t know how to live when she would never age, never die.

The line that stuck with me most was:

“All these years you lived, but never had a life.”

Wham!

How many of us are living, but have no life?

We’re so busy running that we forget to enjoy the present, to dream about the future.

Meanwhile, time is slipping through the hour glass.

Age and wisdom are normally synonymous, right?

Not when you refuse to move forward.

Not when you refuse to be known.

Time is slipping through the hour glass….and you’re stuck.

The Age of Adaline is really about getting unstuck.

I find the premise of the movie fascinating and it’s one of the best movies I’ve watched in a while.

I encourage you to watch the movie. Let me know what you see, what you learn.

 

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A Sunday Challenge

Do hard things. 

I know it’s not fun or easy, but doing hard things builds muscle. 

You know from earlier posts that I’m not a big fan of vulnerability. 

It’s a scary $5 word that means allowing yourself to show others your true thoughts and feelings–not the “No, really I’m fine” when things get tough. 

To use one of my step mom’s favorite quotes, “It’s like wearing your socks in the shower.”

Being vulnerable will not–I repeat–will not always be comfortable. 

I’m not talking about the no boundaries kind of life either because people who embrace vulnerability have well defined boundaries. 

I learned that from Dr. Brene Brown, a leading researcher and author on vulnerability. We talked about her book Rising Strong awhile back. 

So, this week I encourage you to do hard things. 

Be willing to embrace vulnerability. 

Write back and tell me how it goes. I’ll do the same, okay? 

Next Sunday we’ll talk about this subject again. 

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Thankfully overwhelmed

We all face busy days. 

The first of the month is especially busy for me. I have customers coming in and out of my office all day–on top of a pile of paperwork from the previous month to complete. 

Plus, today I was juggling getting my car to the shop. (There was a lot of moving parts to coordinate.)

On days like today, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. 

I know I was…

Not allowing temporary inconveniences to derail you from the bigger picture can be difficult. 

I encourage you to take a breath and count your blessings. 

You and I have a LOT to be thankful for. 

It’ll help you when the phone rings and a customer walks in and your boss wants you to dictate a letter–right now. 

Even in those moments, remember your blessings. 

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Internet 101: Learn what’s appropriate

I don’t have any kids of my own, but I strongly disagree with shame based parenting.

If your kid does something wrong, I agree there needs to be consequences.

You can discipline your kid, though, without humiliating them.

I read a story about a young girl who allegedly committed suicide after a video was posted online of her father cutting off her long hair. She was being punished for “getting messed up” which I think refers to drinking or doing drugs…not really sure.

Either way, I don’t know how cutting off her hair would help anything.

To be fair to the stories I read, the police are not connecting the suicide with the punishment. It does, however, bring up the conversation of shame based parenting.

Here’s some of the videos floating around YouTube this year:

  • A parent encouraging a child to beat up a sibling
  • Children standing at intersections holding up embarrassing signs
  • Parents berating their children

I know we’ve talked about this before, but not everything has to be posted online!

Videoing someone on his or her death bed is inappropriate.

Live tweeting a funeral is inappropriate.

Videoing discipline is inappropriate.

Once again, not everything has to be posted online!

The fact that someone has to say “This, this, and this should be kept offline” is absurd.

Being vulnerable in today’s world is hard enough without the threat of your most intimate, sometimes heartbreaking moments being posted online for all the world to see.

And how would you feel knowing that the people who are supposed to love you the most–your parents–are trying to humiliate you?

ALWAYS think before you post.

  1. Will this content cause another to suffer?
  2. Why do I want to share this with others?
  3. What if it was me?

More reading:

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/shame-parenting-expert-article-1.2347317

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3111907/Girl-13-commits-suicide-jumping-bridge-video-dad-cutting-hair-punishment-posted-online.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sherrie-campbell-phd/inspire-healthy-self-este_b_6437472.html

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Want to vs. Need to

Putting off tasks that are not fun will not make them more fun later.

No one likes to pay bills.

To budget.

To exercise.

Some things need to be done–whether you enjoy them or not.

When I first started exercising, I hated it.

I hated when the alarm clock went off.

I hated leaving my warm house on cold winter mornings.

But I still did it.

After a while, once I saw the results, I began to enjoy it more and more.

We need to quit making people feel guilty when they don’t enjoy something at first.

Jesus tells a story in Matthew 21:28-32. Let me paraphrase it for you:

A father asks two sons to go work in the yard. One son says, “Are you kidding me? I won’t do it!” Later on, he feels bad and decides to go. The other son said, “Sure, Dad! I’ll be glad to help!” and then didn’t show up to work. Jesus said the first son was obedient.

Jesus was looking at their hearts and he saw what was really going on. He was telling this story to religious leaders (it was really about them). He was talking about their refusal to accept Him as the Messiah.

We need to realize, though, that this story can be applied to more than just “spiritual” things like missions and evangelism.

The principles in the Bible apply to all areas of our lives–spirit, soul, and body.

Keep this text in mind next time you’re struggling to want to do something.

Maybe you should just do it because it’s the right thing to do.

Your heart and attitude will catch up with your decision.

Remember: Words mean nothing without action behind them.

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Put the matches down

Integrity is what you do when no one’s watching. 

My 8th grade English teacher, Ms. Blackmon, taught me that definition. 

She gave us an example too. 

You’re all alone on a stretch of country road late at night. You approach a red light and no one’s around. Do you run it? Or wait for it to turn green? 

Your decision, she said, is the true measure of your integrity. 

This little story has always stuck with me. During times of temptation I catch myself. 

What about my integrity?

We’ve all had friends and family fail–and not the ones we expected either. 

They were so nice!

Their lives seemed so perfect!

What you do, who you are when no one’s looking really matters. 

I think that’s why sincerity is such a hot commodity these days. 

“Just be real,” we say, “Be honest about your struggles.”

I’m all for it too! Goodness knows that I screw up a lot. 

But we need to be careful. 

Asking others to be sincere means we can’t burn them at the stake.

This is true when a friend or relative makes a mistake or even expresses an opinion that differs from your own. 

Self-righteous witch hunts are what drive people to wear masks. 

The root of integrity–and all good character for that matter–starts when no one’s looking. 

Maturity is a process, so don’t hide your struggles. 

And, lastly, don’t be so quick to strike a match. 

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Faded Flower Child

Being different is okay. You know that, right? 

Personality traits are given to us by God to help and serve others.

Now, when I was in 7th grade, which was around 2002, I seriously wanted to be a hippie. 

Fashion? 

Who cares? Wear what you want! 

I had a globe necklace, a tie dye shirt, and mismatched socks. 

I wasn’t being different….I was just a weird kid in a weird (and thankfully short) stage. 

Be free, I thought, leave behind negativity. Societal norms can’t define me. 

But I still struggled because there is something to finding your place. Not being teachable, not accepting yourself takes a toll on you socially. 

Instead of trying to change yourself into the person others see, try being yourself. 

God gave you a unique personality and special gifts. Use them!

There’s only one you. 

Quit trying to be someone else. 

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Defining enough

You are enough and you have enough. 

I just summarized half of the self-help books in the world. 

We struggle with the concept of enough. 

“I’m not _________ enough.”

Fill in the blank with the first thing that pops in your mind. 

I bet this thought is the biggest obstacle for you. 

The Lord’s been challenging me with seeing the truth: 

  • Everything I need to be content, to be fulfilled is already in me. 
  • Everything I need to live, serve, and follow Him is already in me. 

I am enough. 

I have enough. 

The scarcity mentality is wrecking our lives. 

Chasing enough is like chasing the wind. You’ll always be empty handed. 

You’ll also be lonely. 

There’s not much time to build relationships when you’re on the hunt for enough. 

Some Christian circles talk about operating out of lack or being plagued by a spirit of poverty. 

Others talk about the American Dream myth. 
However you want see it, we need to wrestle with this bear. 

Does your definition of success, of enough leave you feeling empty?

If so, what needs to shift in your thinking? 

Get ready for a fight because what you discover will not line up with our culture today. 

I really believe, though, that changing your view of enough will change your life. 

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Life is a story

We all have a story to tell, right?

Your life, after all, is one big story that gets written a day at a time.

Of course, every story is different in one way or another, but we all have a lot more in common than we realize.

Can you list all the movies that retell Cinderella?

Exactly. There’s too many to count.

journalThe premise is the same but the small details–time, place, etc–are what make it different.

Our world is filled with brokenness: tragedy, addiction, abuse, divorce. Listen to enough stories and you hear about these things.

No one escapes life without a few sad chapters, with pages covered with tears, blood, and grime.

I am finding, though, that the greatest stories of redemption are found in books where sad chapters give way to victorious chapters.

The victorious chapters are when the villains–and all their filthy, disgusting lies–get their butts kicked.

Love, joy, mercy, hope, grace, forgiveness…..

These are the key elements of  victorious chapters.

But you have to remember that victorious chapters cannot replace the sad ones.

No amount of time or distance can eliminate the past.

Think of it this way:

If I read a book and hate the first half, I can’t decide to only read the second half next time. The story wouldn’t make any sense.

What I can do is choose to see how the character made peace with the past in order to move on.

I said earlier that we’re all more alike than we realize.

We’re all alike because we’re all storytellers.

Maybe you didn’t write the first part of your story.

Let that go.

Focus on the story you get to write.

Focus on the victorious chapters.

And share the hope–the redemption in your story–with the world.

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1-800-RESPONSIBILITY

Today I watched someone fix my computer remotely.

Talk about a weird experience….

The technical support team logged onto my Teamviewer and started buzzing around my computer. Three people were logged on at the same time!

I know this isn’t mind blowing to most of you, but technology never ceases to amaze me. The first time I used dial up internet (yes, I remember dial up)  I thought I was launching a rocket ship.

Within 30 minutes, my problem was fixed–a problem that stopped me from sending out invoices for work.

Don’t you wish everything in life was like that?

Help, help!

I have a problem budgeting!

I have an anger problem!

I have trust issues!

No worries! Give me 30 minutes and everything will be better.

Life doesn’t work this way.

Easy fixes rarely solve the real problem.

99% of the time, I am the biggest problem in my life.

It’s no one’s fault but my own.

I understand there are outside factors, but responsibility–or the lack thereof–is the number one culprit of life’s problems.

Passing the blame is much easier than accepting responsibility.

Even this computer problem was my fault.

I should’ve called the technicians at the end of last week. They could’ve found the problem then.

I chose to put it off, shoving it to the bottom of my to-do list.

And it almost wrecked one of my busiest days at work!

So, yes, it was not my fault the computer was messed up, but it was my fault that the invoices weren’t emailed until this afternoon.

Here’s the take away:

  • Learning to accept responsibility is a pillar of good character.
  • If you’re not ready to accept responsibility, you’re not ready to receive more responsibility.

There’s no hotline to call to work on your character either.

It’s something that must be developed slowly–and sometimes painfully.