Character

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Say no to yourself

You don’t have to eat sweets everyday, Audra!

I like food. All food. 

Sweet. 

Sour. 

Savory. 

Salty. 

If it’s food, I like it.

Unless it’s liver…I draw the line at liver. 

Self- control with food is hard. Just take a stroll down the weight loss section of your local bookstore. 

Hundreds of books!!!

Yet most people fail their diets. 

The problem is not so much the food you eat, though, pizza and cheeseburgers everyday isn’t helping you. 

The problem is self-control. Gluttony is a real vice.

Moderation is key, but where’s the fun in that?

Not everything has to be fun. 

I want ice cream and chocolate right now. There will be no delicious goodness tonight. 

Am I happy about this deprivation? 

Absolutely not!

Saying no to yourself is not always fun, but it’s the small choices that snowball into big changes. 

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If left alone

An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. 

Newton’s First Law of Motion can teach us a lot about our habits and thought life. 

Another way of defining this law is: An object will keep doing what it’s doing if left alone. 

Aren’t we all the same way?

  • I would eat cheeseburgers everyday if left alone. 
  • I would be a negative person if left alone. 
  • I would still be scared of my own shadow if left alone. 

Wallowing in the past and running toward destruction are both unhealthy responses that lead to nowhere. 

Why is it so hard to get unstuck?

Why is it so hard to go in a different direction?

Newton’s Laws of Motion talk about much more than physics. 

  • Stepping on the scale again was my unbalanced force. 
  • Missing out on deeper, more meaningful relationships was my unbalanced force. 
  • Waking up at 24 and having a mile long wish list of dreams was my unbalanced force. 

Imagine a game of pool.
Nothing would change if  the cue ball (the unbalanced force) didn’t crash into the other balls. 

The best way to get moving again or to change directions is to be hit with an unbalanced force. 

Change is scary, but staying stuck is even scarier. 

And to think no one likes physics…

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Perfectionism is a choice

IMG_1566If perfection is unattainable, why do we keep striving for it?

Nothing will ever be perfect. The sooner you and I realize this simple truth, the sooner you and I can enjoy our beautiful, yet messy, lives.

Social media is filled with “inspirational” quotes and pictures about how no one is perfect. Thank you, Captain Obvious, this is not news.

Or is it?

Our obsession with warning others about the trap of perfectionism is an indication that many of our friends and family really believe it’s an obtainable goal.

And this is coming from a girl who knows its a trap and frequently makes the insane choice to walk right in it….

Notice, though, what I said: I know it’s a trap and I choose to step in it.

It’s time to get honest.

We all know that perfection is unobtainable, but continue to chase after it.

Maybe what we need is for our friends and family to say, “Stop it!” instead of hearing another inspirational message about embracing the messiness of life.

So, my sweet friends, I think it’s time for us to make a few changes. In order to do that, though, we’ll need to acknowledge the facts:

  1. You will never be perfect.
  2. Life can be hard and unfair.

Now, let’s look at those facts from the gospel’s perspective:

  1. Perfection was never an option. If we could be perfect, we wouldn’t need a Savior. Jesus lived the perfect life and then gave us all the wonderful benefits that go along with it.
  2. Even though life is not fair, we have God’s promises on our side. Everything–both fair and unfair–must work together for our good. Those are some great odds when faced with a challenge.

If you struggle with perfectionism, know that I understand your struggle because it’s my own.

My only request is that you be proactive in your efforts to avoid the trap. In the end, it’s your responsibility to make the necessary changes.

.

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Put the matches down

Integrity is what you do when no one’s watching. 

My 8th grade English teacher, Ms. Blackmon, taught me that definition. 

She gave us an example too. 

You’re all alone on a stretch of country road late at night. You approach a red light and no one’s around. Do you run it? Or wait for it to turn green? 

Your decision, she said, is the true measure of your integrity. 

This little story has always stuck with me. During times of temptation I catch myself. 

What about my integrity?

We’ve all had friends and family fail–and not the ones we expected either. 

They were so nice!

Their lives seemed so perfect!

What you do, who you are when no one’s looking really matters. 

I think that’s why sincerity is such a hot commodity these days. 

“Just be real,” we say, “Be honest about your struggles.”

I’m all for it too! Goodness knows that I screw up a lot. 

But we need to be careful. 

Asking others to be sincere means we can’t burn them at the stake.

This is true when a friend or relative makes a mistake or even expresses an opinion that differs from your own. 

Self-righteous witch hunts are what drive people to wear masks. 

The root of integrity–and all good character for that matter–starts when no one’s looking. 

Maturity is a process, so don’t hide your struggles. 

And, lastly, don’t be so quick to strike a match. 

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Life is a story

We all have a story to tell, right?

Your life, after all, is one big story that gets written a day at a time.

Of course, every story is different in one way or another, but we all have a lot more in common than we realize.

Can you list all the movies that retell Cinderella?

Exactly. There’s too many to count.

journalThe premise is the same but the small details–time, place, etc–are what make it different.

Our world is filled with brokenness: tragedy, addiction, abuse, divorce. Listen to enough stories and you hear about these things.

No one escapes life without a few sad chapters, with pages covered with tears, blood, and grime.

I am finding, though, that the greatest stories of redemption are found in books where sad chapters give way to victorious chapters.

The victorious chapters are when the villains–and all their filthy, disgusting lies–get their butts kicked.

Love, joy, mercy, hope, grace, forgiveness…..

These are the key elements of  victorious chapters.

But you have to remember that victorious chapters cannot replace the sad ones.

No amount of time or distance can eliminate the past.

Think of it this way:

If I read a book and hate the first half, I can’t decide to only read the second half next time. The story wouldn’t make any sense.

What I can do is choose to see how the character made peace with the past in order to move on.

I said earlier that we’re all more alike than we realize.

We’re all alike because we’re all storytellers.

Maybe you didn’t write the first part of your story.

Let that go.

Focus on the story you get to write.

Focus on the victorious chapters.

And share the hope–the redemption in your story–with the world.

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1-800-RESPONSIBILITY

Today I watched someone fix my computer remotely.

Talk about a weird experience….

The technical support team logged onto my Teamviewer and started buzzing around my computer. Three people were logged on at the same time!

I know this isn’t mind blowing to most of you, but technology never ceases to amaze me. The first time I used dial up internet (yes, I remember dial up)  I thought I was launching a rocket ship.

Within 30 minutes, my problem was fixed–a problem that stopped me from sending out invoices for work.

Don’t you wish everything in life was like that?

Help, help!

I have a problem budgeting!

I have an anger problem!

I have trust issues!

No worries! Give me 30 minutes and everything will be better.

Life doesn’t work this way.

Easy fixes rarely solve the real problem.

99% of the time, I am the biggest problem in my life.

It’s no one’s fault but my own.

I understand there are outside factors, but responsibility–or the lack thereof–is the number one culprit of life’s problems.

Passing the blame is much easier than accepting responsibility.

Even this computer problem was my fault.

I should’ve called the technicians at the end of last week. They could’ve found the problem then.

I chose to put it off, shoving it to the bottom of my to-do list.

And it almost wrecked one of my busiest days at work!

So, yes, it was not my fault the computer was messed up, but it was my fault that the invoices weren’t emailed until this afternoon.

Here’s the take away:

  • Learning to accept responsibility is a pillar of good character.
  • If you’re not ready to accept responsibility, you’re not ready to receive more responsibility.

There’s no hotline to call to work on your character either.

It’s something that must be developed slowly–and sometimes painfully.

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Picture window thoughts

Does it bother you that my topics are random?

I realize that my posts range from super serious to total goof ball-ness (Yes, I just made up this word).

But that’s how my brain works….

I’m trying to find a flow in my daily blogging and become more consistent, especially if I say that I’ll finish talking about something the next day.

My thoughts, though, flitter and fly like a hummingbird. Or they attack a subject like a shark, leaving nothing but the bones behind.

No, I’m not ADD either.

I just love big ideas, the overarching principles that shape thinking.

Nitpicking tunnel vision bothers me. You lose sight of the grand design that way.

I’m not arguing against taking a strong stance, but I’m coming to believe more and more that you can have strong beliefs without needing to discredit and destroy those who are different from you.

I try to focus all my energy on building character and helping others.

No one benefits when you’re an idea bully.

Maybe your idea is the best. Kudos to you.

But no one likes a bully–even a correct one.

Don’t claim up and never share what’s important to you either.

Just remember that what’s important to you right now might not be important to someone else.

I think of it like this:

Friends have the right to share ideas, so it’s always better to be a friend as opposed to being an enemy.

So, we’re back to where we started: The randomness of my blogs.

I prefer the bigger picture, which is probably why I’ve always loved picture windows, mountain top views, and aerial shots.

My goal is for us to engage in meaningful conversations around the posts.

I want us to dig deeper into the whys (a big reason “daring to dig deeper” is my tagline) while keeping our eyes on the horizon, the bigger picture.

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Month One Reflections

I have blogged every day for a month.

Wow.

This project is stretching my diligence and consistency muscle.

Consistency really is key.

Before I started this journey, I had all of these ideas for blog posts, but I never got around to writing.

Now, I look forward to writing a post every day.

I won’t say that I plan my topics (because most of the time I don’t) but I know that, at some point, a post has to go up.

This knowledge serves as my motivator.

And now I’m thinking….

What else can I accomplish with a boost of consistency?

All of the clichés are true.

Add consistency to good character.

And then step back.

BAM!

You just found the formula for success.

It’s that easy…not!

But it’s worth it.

And that’s one of the biggest lessons I’m learning right now.

Here’s to another month of blogging.

Cheers!

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Good friends are noticers

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6)

It’s hard to think of wounds being a sign of love.

But wouldn’t you rather a friend correct you, to notice and care about the decisions you are making?

This is a silly illustration, but it’s  a classic:

Having a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth all day, but no one tells you.

What’s the first thing you say?

Why didn’t you tell me?!?!?

Ouch moments are great tests of character.

Nothing says “there’s still room for growth” like your mistakes being noticed.

When facing an ouch moment, I have to battle three things: embarrassment, anger, and pride.

I have to filter all of these feelings–as well as who’s doing the noticing–before responding.

Please don’t read this and think I’m talking about rolling over and letting someone squash you like a bug.

Remember what the proverb said?

Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Friends correct out of love. They are lovingly pointing out your mistakes–not rubbing it in your face or shaming  you in the process.

Friends are trying to help you.

If all of your friends are kissing your cheeks and telling you how awesome you are….well, read the rest of the proverb, okay?

In a healthy friendship, each person grows.

Here’s another proverb:

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

If I’m not careful, I can resent correction. My natural inclination is to believe that others are out to get me.

But that attitude is destructive, which is why I have to beat it down daily.

Meaningful friendships are worth more than gold.

We need to give our friends permission to notice things –even the not so great things.

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Character friction

Coming face to face  with your character flaws stinks, especially when someone is giving you a compliment.

In the last few weeks, I have been praised for my patience and self-discipline…

I wish that it were true.

I wish that I could easily accept the compliment.

But all I see are the many, many times that I lose my temper or decide to eat a doughnut when I need to eat a salad.

What are you supposed to do with that information?

It challenges me.

On the one hand, I appreciate the positive affirmation. Truly I do. People pay attention when you’re headed down the right path.

On the other hand, I know there’s still a lot of road ahead of me. I have not arrived.

This friction is natural. The rub is real. (I can go on and on with friction clichés, but I’ll stop now. You’re welcome.)

In life, this struggle is the ultimate checks and balances system.

Remember several posts ago when I talked about the voices that scream out your flaws?

They are constantly reminding you of all the reasons you’ll never measure up.

But agreeing with their cries will not help you. Trust me. I spent many years covering my ears and running for cover.

That’s no way to live.

Knowing your areas of strengths and weaknesses is important.

You can’t be too boastful about your strengths or too ashamed about your weaknesses.

Stay focused on where you are headed in life. Keep moving in that direction.

Work on your strengths and weaknesses accordingly.

Maybe this isn’t a struggle for you.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Duh, Audra, everyone knows that!”

But I can get stuck in the rut of introspection and miss out on the fun of the journey.

I want to loosen up a little and have some fun. Want to join me?