Friendship

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Kiss the Fish!

  Side note: I haven’t forgotten about the Note to Self series. It just needs a little more attention than I’ve had to dedicate to the topic over the course of Memorial Day weekend. Bear with me, okay? 

I want to throw a quick thought out for your consideration. 

What is one thing you’re afraid of trying? 

Others have told you to give it a go. The passion to work hard on this activity, project, etc. is there. You just can’t do it. Or even worse: You won’t try it. 

Let me give you an example. 

This past weekend I was fishing with friends. My first fish was caught on their pier, which I soon found out involved a tradition. 

They wanted me to kiss the fish…

My answer was a hearty no. I don’t kiss frogs or fish or any other animal. 

My friends begged me and I continued to refuse. The moment passed and we all moved on.  

Later that afternoon, I felt really bad for not playing along.

  What harm could come from kissing a fish?
 I missed an opportunity to joke around with my friends and share a fun moment. 

Sure, that situation is not a big deal, but how many chances zoom by because I won’t be brave in the little things?

 Being the resident stick in the mud is the best way to miss out on life.  

A small act can lead to big things. And in my case? Maybe a bigger fish. Who knows?

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I’m Weird, You’re Weird

A lot of people claim to be OCD.

It’s actually quite comical to hear someone say “I’m so OCD” and then take a walk through their house…yeah, you’re not OCD if there’s mold that just told me that the bathroom’s to the left…

We all have idiosyncrasies. Even the most relaxed, chill-tastic people I know have one or two things that make them…unique…for lack of a better word.

Maybe you like to arrive everywhere super early.

Maybe you like to squirt ketchup on all your food.

Maybe you have to spin around in a circle three times before entering or exiting a room.

 The idiosyncrasy scale ranges from “Wow, you need to get a life!” to “Wow, you make the ranting homeless guy look normal!”

Hopefully—this is what I believe anyway—most of us fall somewhere in the middle.

I’m at this place in life where I recognize that my idiosyncrasies are just that: Mine.

The other day it was pointed out to me that I use the phrase “I have this thing about…” a lot. That one comment made me stop and think.

 My weirdnesses are my responsibility.

It’s not fair for me to use them as a shield to get out of my obligations or as an excuse for poor behavior.

And guess what?

Your weirdnesses are not my responsibility.

I’m all for free expression and “being who you are.” Just do so in a considerate and respectful manner.

The biggest lie told today is that our differences outweigh our similarities. Here’s the truth: Our similarities outweigh our differences.

That being said, I don’t want my weirdness to morph into selfishness. And that’s really easy to do.  

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Circle of Counsel

I have found a downside to being young. It’s the invincibility complex. Do you remember when I hurt my knee? That was the result of feeling invincible. And you see how well that worked out for me.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to punch fear in the face and conquer the world. I think everyone should live with that attitude.

But like most things in life there’s a fine line between confidence and stupidity.

And in a lot of ways I wouldn’t even call it stupidity.

It’s actually an unwillingness to heed sound advice.

My dad would call that not being teachable. I am not saying to only try something when you’re perfect at it.

Who has ever benefited from that busted philosophy?

Not being teachable is an attitude of stubborn rebellion against those who not only are trying to help you but also those who are trying to teach you how to do something the right way.

If you’re familiar with the book of Proverbs, an ancient wisdom book found in the Bible, a lot of proverbs talk about the wisdom of sound counsel from a multitude of people.

More often than not, I fail when I refuse to heed the advice given by those in my circle of counsel.

Here’s my list of those in my circle: My parents, my grandparents, and a few close friends. I can always trust their advice and I always seek it out before making a big decision.

Who’s in your circle of counsel?

Choose wisely.

Put the right people in that circle and you’re bound to be successful.

But if that’s the case then the wrong people will point you down a path of destruction.

It matters who your friends are and whose advice you’re following.

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Beware of Faulty Perceptions

I remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Let’s take this a step further: Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

This has happened to me several times and I’ve walked away shocked at how much I didn’t know.

I’m not talking about a topic that is foreign. Judging someone based on rumors, gossip, and hearsay has been going on since there were more people than just Adam and Eve on the earth.

All I want to do is stop it from poisoning my perception of others. Many friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either.

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too. Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.       

Take a good look in the mirror. What is it not saying about you? 

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The “Old Faithful” Kind of Friend

I have never been to Yellowstone National Park, but I hear that it’s beautiful. The one site everyone talks about is Old Faithful. This geyser is infamous for living up to its name. Can you imagine how bored park employees must get telling the same thing to enthusiastic travelers?

“Yep, it does this every day…I know, I know, it’s wonderful…”

In a lot of ways, our lives are the same way. Think of the friends and family who ALWAYS support you. If you want to be a rocket scientist, farmer, teacher, dog walker, computer software analyst—it doesn’t matter—they will encourage you to reach for the stars. However, when we are sitting alone in our room and doubt screams, “You will never succeed!” the voices of our faithful encouragers seem kind of faint.

Achieving your dreams is not easy and sometimes the critics are more plentiful than the fans.

During these instances, one has to really ask hard questions: Why am I doing this? Does it matter more that others approve of me? Or is it okay to simply approve of myself? Who determines whether or not I am successful?

I have asked myself all of these questions.

My answers are helping me to carry on during this difficult, transitional time of my life. Consequently, the answers I declare over myself—I am doing what I feel led to do; I approve of me; my success comes from God, not man—is being confirmed by others. My faithful encouragers have an uncanny way of knowing when I need them. Their words are much needed reminders that I am heading in the right direction.

My advice is to identify your faithful encouragers.

Do not tune them out because “they have to say nice things about you” or because “they are being biased.” Listen closely; often times, their encouragement is well-spoken and right on time.