selfishness

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Selfishness Anonymous 

We’re all selfish. 

It’s true. 

The number one priority can easily be yours truly, especially for us single folks. 

At least, this is something I have to keep in mind…

There is coming a day when spontaneity will come less and less. 

And I’m okay with that. 

The temptation to put others last is not new. This has been a problem from the beginning of time–only Jesus is perfect. 

He gave us many great examples of selflessness. 

We all want to be like him, but it’s hard…the upside down kingdom is a bit much to wrap your head around. 

  • The first will be last. 
  • He who wants to be first must be a servant. 
  • It takes the faith of a child to get into heaven. 

None of these truths can be lived out with a selfish attitude. (And none of this is possible without the Holy Spirit.)

Maybe we all need to go into Selfishness Anonymous. 

It couldn’t hurt, right?

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Couch potato faith

Can faith really be faith if it has no expression? 

James 2:14-16 is the most quoted passage on the subject:

14 What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone?15 Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing,16 and you say, “Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about putting actions to your faith:

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

Years ago, I went to a church that adopted “Faith is a verb–live it!” as a reminder to the people that faith requires action. 

IMG_1563Putting feet to your faith means that your feet might get muddy. You might actually have to sacrifice something to walk it out.

The more I read about the early church–the church fathers and martyrs–I am convicted of my own selfishness. 

Am I really ready to give up everything?

What am I still holding back?

Do I talk about what I believe more than I demonstrate what I believe?

I’m just gonna stop here because there’s not much more I can say except that a read through the New Testament doesn’t leave any room for argument. 

Couch potato faith is not allowed.

 

 

 

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No is an answer too

no!

No!

NO!

I have a hard time with this word–even though I can scream it in my head forever.

Instead I say:

Sure.

I can work that in.

Let me think about it.

Why is it so hard to say no?

For me, it goes back to rejection. The word “no” means that someone might not like you.

But not saying no also means that I often do things I don’t want to do.

Being a Yes Man or a Yes Woman doesn’t make you the most awesome person on the planet. It makes you a pushover, a doormat.

No is an answer too.

In fact, part of setting healthy boundaries is learning the when, where, and how of no.

I say no when:

  • Something doesn’t align with my values.
  • I’m already stretched too thin.
  • I need to disappoint the right people–i.e. my third cousin’s husband’s uncle as opposed to my best friend.

And, in case you’re wondering, saying no does not make you selfish.

This is the biggest lie in the world when it comes to boundaries.

You’re not selfish for saying no!

There are times I’ve had to stick to my guns.

If it’s not moving me forward, the answer is no.

If it goes against my faith, the answer is no.

Some things cannot be negotiated.

The right to say “no” is being challenged in America.

We need to figure this out.

Yes and no applies to everyone. Period.

Just remember that your actions must line up with your answers.

Screaming no and living yes makes you two-faced.

I want to end by quoting my Savior, Jesus Christ (since He’s the one most of us claim to follow):

 “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one” (Matthew 5:37).

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I’m Weird, You’re Weird

A lot of people claim to be OCD.

It’s actually quite comical to hear someone say “I’m so OCD” and then take a walk through their house…yeah, you’re not OCD if there’s mold that just told me that the bathroom’s to the left…

We all have idiosyncrasies. Even the most relaxed, chill-tastic people I know have one or two things that make them…unique…for lack of a better word.

Maybe you like to arrive everywhere super early.

Maybe you like to squirt ketchup on all your food.

Maybe you have to spin around in a circle three times before entering or exiting a room.

 The idiosyncrasy scale ranges from “Wow, you need to get a life!” to “Wow, you make the ranting homeless guy look normal!”

Hopefully—this is what I believe anyway—most of us fall somewhere in the middle.

I’m at this place in life where I recognize that my idiosyncrasies are just that: Mine.

The other day it was pointed out to me that I use the phrase “I have this thing about…” a lot. That one comment made me stop and think.

 My weirdnesses are my responsibility.

It’s not fair for me to use them as a shield to get out of my obligations or as an excuse for poor behavior.

And guess what?

Your weirdnesses are not my responsibility.

I’m all for free expression and “being who you are.” Just do so in a considerate and respectful manner.

The biggest lie told today is that our differences outweigh our similarities. Here’s the truth: Our similarities outweigh our differences.

That being said, I don’t want my weirdness to morph into selfishness. And that’s really easy to do.  

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Family Dynamic

One thing that’s taken some adjustment since moving to the Pacific Northwest is the lack of privacy. Someone’s always coming around the corner or knocking on the door. I grew up with lots of privacy and mega doses of alone time.

There’s nothing wrong with needing a little space, but my worldview is slowly shifting on the topic of “me time.”

The Bible says that we should train up our children throughout the day. This means that our actions and words are being observed every minute, especially if you’re in a large family.

 I cannot expect my siblings to learn if I constantly need space and refuse to let them participate in my daily routine. They all love to run errands with me or help me with my chores.I get asked a lot of questions about how to do things or why I do something a certain way.

Thats why I’m really having to get past my need for more privacy.

I want my siblings to spend as much time with me as possible. Sometimes I don’t want to bring a kiddo to the store or have them help me with the dishes. It would be a lot easier and faster if I could do it alone.

 However, they always thank me for allowing them to go or participate in whatever I’m doing.

Talk about feeling convicted about your selfishness!

Add that guilt to hearing your three year old sister, who calls you her best buddy, say, “Thank you, Audra for bring me to the store.”

It will make you repent fast!

The bottom line is that I am blessed by their eager hearts and hands. It’s such a privilege and honor for me to know that my siblings want to be with me.

This kind of family dynamic is one that I want to cultivate in my own home some day.