consequences

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My Thoughts on the Turner Case

I don’t know if you’ve heard about the Brock Turner case, but it’s got a lot of us thinking about the issue of rape. 

Buzzfeed News published an article that was powerful. The rape victim (I don’t know the young woman’s name or I would use it) issued a statement following Turner’s sentencing.

This is not for the faint of heart, okay? Don’t read this if you get queasy or anything. The whole situation is just a mess…

Should the woman have been drinking? Does that even matter?

How can Turner get such a light sentence?

In my mind, there’s no way what happened was consensual. Not with the statements of the 2 men on bicycles who chased Turner. 

And I frankly don’t care anything about Turner’s college prospects or how fast he swims. That shouldn’t even matter in a trial about sexual assault.

Some are pointing fingers at the disparities between the classes and the justice system. I can see how that conclusion was reached. If this was just about anyone else, the judge would not have given such a light sentence. 

Bright future or not, Turner made a bad choice. The consequences of that choice are supposed to be steep. He’s not a little boy, so his punishment should reflect that.

I am sad because justice was not served. Two lives were shattered (as well as their families’ lives). The victim was treated like the perpetrator and the perpetrator was treated like a victim. 

My college experience was VERY different because of where I went to school, but there were still a lot of young ladies who made poor choices.

For all of my college aged friends, please be careful. I’m especially thinking of all my friends at Judson. 

Be smart. Stay safe.

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Internet 101: Nothing can be erased

If you grew up in the ’90s, chances are someone in your family watched a talk show.

Jenny Jones, Oprah, Ricki Lake, Maury, Montel…..

As a kid, I thought your life had to be pretty bad to go on a talk show.

  • You had a kid and after three paternity tests you don’t know who the father is?
  • Your biggest fear is a jar of mayonnaise?
  • Your husband/wife had how many affairs and you found out on a TV show?

Somewhere along the way talk shows–like Furbys, Beanie Babies, and Lisa Frank–lost their popularity. Sure, they still exist today but who really watches them now?

And then the internet came along….

  • Businesses hire and fire based on your Facebook page.
  • Cyber bullying is rampant.
  • Ashley Madison was hacked.

The internet is a great tool, but it can wreck your life too.

Imagine your worst mistake being used as the punch line for a meme, being wrote about by every blogger in the blogosphere, and becoming a viral video on YouTube.

nothingerasedWelcome to the dark side of the internet, my friend.

There needs to be more talk about using discretion on the internet. The information you put online can’t be erased. I don’t care what anyone tells you otherwise. Take a look around.

Welcome to the biggest global talk show.

Everyone is watching.

A quick Google search, a little digging, and a lot of sharing is all it takes to ruin a reputation.

This is the reason why the Ashley Madison scandal breaks my heart. No doubt about it. The people who were exposed are in the wrong. I’m not defending their actions.

But their spouses and children are caught up in this mess too.

Keep this in mind as you use the internet.

The consequences of your actions really do affect others.

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Breaking News: Workers go on strike at the Excuse Factory

 Forgot an appointment? To pay a bill? A birthday?

Mess up on the job? At home?

Mean to your husband? Wife? Kid? Friend?

It wasn’t really your fault….no, no, no!

Just make an excuse and get out of it.

Need a few good ones?

  1. My computer crashed.
  2. I didn’t see your voicemail.
  3. Your email was in my junk mail.
  4. I forgot about our plans.
  5.  The zombies made me do it (which is better than “The dog ate my homework.”)

All of these–minus the last one–are valid reasons for not doing something, but let’s be honest:

We’ve all used good, valid reasons to excuse poor, inexcusable behavior.

strike 1Accepting responsibility is taboo. No one likes to be wrong or admit their mistakes. I get it. I don’t like to be wrong or admit my mistakes.

Owning up to our shortcomings is on the list with filing taxes and going to the dentist.

strike 2

Guess what?

If I don’t file my taxes, the IRS won’t pet my head and say, “No problem, Ms. Kennedy, we understand that this isn’t fun for you. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

If I don’t go to the dentist, my teeth will fall out and I’ll look like all the rednecks on the news….(this is why I choose to go to the dentist, btw. I have an irrational fear of being a stereotypical redneck.)

Shut down the excuse factory. Tell the truth. Face the consequences. And then move on.

You’ll never learn and grow from your shortcomings if you don’t admit you have them.

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A Different Path

Ms. Carol was an elderly woman who lived in a local nursing home. Every month or so, my me-maw would fix her hair and sometimes I would tag along. One day, I remember asking me-maw why Ms. Carol’s children never visited her. You couldn’t be around Ms. Carol long without noticing how sad she was. Even as a ten year old kid I knew something wasn’t right.

Unfortunately, Ms. Carol was not the best parent. Me-maw had known Ms. Carol for years and said she used to be a mean, hateful, and spiteful person. This news broke my heart. I didn’t like that Ms. Carol was alone or the fact that it was her own fault.

That’s the tricky part about consequences. Sometimes they are devastating. Left standing in the ruins of your own making, it’s hard to believe you allowed things to get this bad.

I found myself in this situation several years ago. Bitterness and unforgiveness had taken over my heart. I was sad, lonely, and angry. It took me a while to realize that the path I was on would produce nothing but more brokenness. Everything came down to one decision. No one else could make it for me.

Was I going to remain on the road to nowhere? Or would I choose to take a different path?

I chose a different path and so can you. Is holding on to pain and regret really worth being miserable? Ms. Carol made some bad choices, but she came to grips with her past faults and moved on.

No matter what you’ve done, there’s still hope. The only time change is unachievable is when you’re dead.

Ask some friends to help you through this process. Find a good counselor, if necessary, or visit with a local pastor. Help is out there.

You don’t have to walk alone anymore.