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A Life of Resolve

Resolutions are not just made at New Year’s.

They are also made at the beginning of summer. That magical time of year when a woman realizes she cannot wear a two piece bathing suit. It’s been her aim for the last fifteen years to lose an incredible amount of weight and wow everyone with her awesome new look.

At the first signs of spring, gym membership increases, weight loss programs sell a lot of chalky tasting food, and people make their final resolution…again.I am not being cruel! I have been one of these people! And not only about losing weight, but a lot of other things as well. My excuses are endless: I’ve been busy, sick, tired, unmotivated. These are legitimate excuses at times, but every time? I have abandoned so many plans, left so many to-do lists undone.

I’ve committed criminal negligence against my dreams.

My negligence puts me in a vulnerable position. When I watch someone else who’s working hard to accomplish their goals I get mad, defensive even. This person might be a family member or close friend, so then I feel guilty over my jealous anger. Where I used to extend grace and mercy, now I can only find fault. Can anyone else relate? I am not sharing this information for the fun of it. To judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions is pure lunacy.

This battle, action versus intention, has destroyed many relationships because the standards are so unfair.  

Don’t abandon your dreams and become a cynic of those who refuse to quit. Own up to your failures. Expose your weaknesses. Learn how to endure. This is the key to leaving the mountain of broken resolutions behind in order to live a life of resolve. 

What steps are you taking to live a life of resolve?

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The Art of Effective Planning

I love to create lists and plans, organizing my life into manageable sections of activity. Not to mention that marking things off a to-do list is absolutely empowering.

If you think I’m a bit strange, there have been entire books devoted to planning, organization, and lists. Most experts agree that creating a good plan or list is an art. It’s all about finding what works for you.

This is no joke. I’ve pinpointed several good strategies that have really worked. My overall productivity has increased dramatically as a result.

It’s always a good idea to begin with the ideal conditions in mind. If the weather is perfect, everyone shows up, and you ordered the right amount of food…this is the basis of a good plan. Always plan for the ideal, but be prepared for the unexpected. The worst thing you can do is have no plan if something goes wrong.

Don’t make it harder on yourself—you haven’t even included the people yet.

Not everyone sees the benefit of following your well-crafted, ingenious plan. Not everyone gets the memo or likes what you have lined up. Some people won’t understand what you’re asking them to do no matter how you explain it. Like I said, implementing the execution of a plan is a lot harder than creating it. Be prepared to factor in these obstacles as well.

And who knows? Maybe someone has a better idea of how to get something done. Don’t be a jerk. A good plan can only become better.

This advice has been tested. I used to be horrible about either not planning or freaking out when things didn’t go my way. True balance lies somewhere in the middle. Maybe what I’ve suggested won’t work for you. That’s okay too. Find something that does and go for it.

Here’s what you cannot afford to do any longer: To sit around and wonder why nothing is getting done. 

Question: What strategies have worked best for you when you’re planning something?

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The Importance of Strong Character

Last week I spoke on the subject of faulty perceptions. 

The key point was to not allow someone else’s judgments to cloud your own. There’s another element, however, that I didn’t cover: Your reputation—good or bad—tends to precede you. Sure, you might be able to cover up a character flaw, but not for long.

Here’s an example: I am notorious for over committing myself. This is an area that requires my utmost attention. Being overcommitted is not a sign of strong character.

It actually makes me look like someone with no focus or vision.

Nothing is more embarrassing than telling someone you can’t do something because of carelessness. No matter how much grace the other person extends, it still highlights your own irresponsibility.

What does this have to do with faulty perception?

Most flaws are character flaws, not personality flaws. Maybe you’re really struggling with punctuality or honesty or gratefulness. These issues have nothing to do with your personality! They have everything to do with a lack of strong character.

The good news is that strong character is developed like any muscle—with discipline.

I realize that some of us have greater obstacles to overcome than others. If you don’t know what to do, just start somewhere. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to pursue excellence. Write out a list of three to five things you can do to become a person of better character. Be proactive and accept responsibility for your current situation.

Don’t be a victim.

Take back control of your life and stop letting bad character affect your reputation.

And remember: The best way to receive grace is to extend it to others. Help a friend who’s fighting against the current, who’s working hard to make vital changes. Your encouragement might just be what keeps them on the right path. 

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Get out of the cemetery!

No one ever told me that “Thriller” was a music video.

I remember being terrified the first time I watched it. At five or six years old, the first thought after “Ahhh!” was “This is a very intense movie.” Can you imagine going out on a date with someone and halfway through that person is chasing you around because he or she is now a zombie?

The Christian life is kind of similar. We are all dead without Christ, walking around like zombies. Before you know Christ there’s a hollowness, which cannot really be explained. It’s just a feeling that something is wrong; it’s the zombie effect of sin.

You can’t escape from sin without a Savior.

Sin is a zombie slurping up your brain like a milkshake.

Do you remember the story of the mad man from Gerasenes? He was a zombie! He lived in the cemetery! This guy was full of demons, running around naked, and uncontrollable. The Gospel of Mark says that “night and day he roamed through the graves and the hills, screaming and slashing himself with sharp stones” (Mark 5:5). Jesus came to town and threw out the demons. 

The mad man was saved!

The townspeople found the former mad man, now sane, talking with Jesus and his disciples. Naturally they were freaked out. They asked Jesus to leave. This miracle was too much to handle. So Jesus got in his boat to leave. The newly sane man begged to come along. I can imagine it was the first time he had a true sense of purpose. Jesus told him, “Go home to your own people. Tell them your story—what the Master did, how he had mercy on you” (Mark 5:19).

The end of the story is my favorite part. The former mad man of Gerasenes started sharing his testimony. Eventually, Jesus came back and the people in and around Gerasenes were receptive. This guy was instrumental in leading his region to Christ. How awesome!

I hope you see the parallel.

When you accept the gift of salvation, the old you is dead—gone forever! Here recently I heard a pastor say that God doesn’t want to make you better; he wants to make you new. That’s what believers should be telling people. It’s one of the greatest truths of the gospel.

Christ died so you could be new.

What if the mad man would’ve stayed in the cemetery after Jesus left? What if he said, “I don’t know what to do next…guess I’ll just hang out here”? Old and new cannot hang out together. That’s why Jesus said that you can’t put new wine in an old wine skin.

It’s impossible to walk in newness of life and keep doing the same old things.

Did you notice that the mad man was ineffective as the demon possessed, looney tune who lived in the cemetery?

Get out of the cemetery!

Share your story.

Live out your faith.

Quit acting like a zombie!  

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Beware of Faulty Perceptions

I remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Let’s take this a step further: Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

This has happened to me several times and I’ve walked away shocked at how much I didn’t know.

I’m not talking about a topic that is foreign. Judging someone based on rumors, gossip, and hearsay has been going on since there were more people than just Adam and Eve on the earth.

All I want to do is stop it from poisoning my perception of others. Many friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either.

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too. Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.       

Take a good look in the mirror. What is it not saying about you? 

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When the Chalk Dust Settles…

I am not a big fan of standardized tests.

Trying to measure intelligence using torture devices such as Scantrons and stuffy, windowless rooms is downright mean. Plus, people go into testing all stressed out because of high expectations. At least, that’s how I felt before every standardized test from elementary school through college. My stress level was through the roof!

It seemed as if the fate of my life rested on if I knew the circumference of a circle or the antonym of ambivalent or the number of protons in Californium.

Please do not take me as an opponent of education or as a slacker who has a vendetta against the education system. I am being a bit hyperbolic in order to prove a point about measuring success. I can remember time after time of cramming before tests and realizing a few weeks later that I did not remember anything. Though it’s quite shameful to admit now, at the time it didn’t matter whether I actually knew the material, only that I could regurgitate the correct answers.

Is it possible that by focusing on test results the quality of education is eroding?  

Some argue that if students were truly passionate, they would want to learn. Others say that teachers are burned out, so they do not make the subject matter fun. The political nuts scream out against corrupt politicians who are stealing money and robbing our children of a proper education. All of these answers have elements of truth, but I do not think that any one issue can be held solely responsible for the problem.

When the chalk dust settles, the real problem is plain: Both adults and children desire the riches of success and the expertise of professionals without putting in the work needed to achieve either.

By teaching children to expect something for nothing, I’m afraid that future generations, beginning with mine, are doomed to fail. 

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Will You Survive?

I read a lot of self-help books. It’s an addiction and I’m sure the teller at the thrift store thinks I need to see a counselor. Anyway, there is one thought that seems to make its way into every book:

You will never change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain needed to make a change.

Isn’t that what every self-help book is about?

Apathy is the biggest hindrance to change because it takes a lot of strength to face up to our monsters. And, often times, we merely wound our enemy—whatever it may be—instead of properly killing it the first time. For example, the other day I was driving down the road listening to “I Will Survive.” It was probably the first time I stopped grooving long enough to listen to the lyrics. The entire song is about this lady kicking her loser boyfriend to the curb and then coming home one day to find him sitting on her couch.

When I heard the words, “I should have changed that stupid lock! I should have made you leave your key! If I had known for just one second that you’d be back to bother me,” it’s like I was struck by lightning!

The easiest part of making a change is the radical, “get out of my life” phase.

Many people find it exciting because they enjoy throwing all the junk food in the garbage, bashing the computer with a sledge hammer, and cutting up all the credit cards. In all this extremism, however, it’s easy to forget that if you don’t deal with the root of the problem, sooner or later, you’ll come home to find it sitting on your couch.

Will you survive?

If you’re anything like Gloria Gaynor, you not only survive, but also do so while looking really hip in a sparkly, glittery dress. (Watch the music video and you’ll see what I mean.)

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The “Old Faithful” Kind of Friend

I have never been to Yellowstone National Park, but I hear that it’s beautiful. The one site everyone talks about is Old Faithful. This geyser is infamous for living up to its name. Can you imagine how bored park employees must get telling the same thing to enthusiastic travelers?

“Yep, it does this every day…I know, I know, it’s wonderful…”

In a lot of ways, our lives are the same way. Think of the friends and family who ALWAYS support you. If you want to be a rocket scientist, farmer, teacher, dog walker, computer software analyst—it doesn’t matter—they will encourage you to reach for the stars. However, when we are sitting alone in our room and doubt screams, “You will never succeed!” the voices of our faithful encouragers seem kind of faint.

Achieving your dreams is not easy and sometimes the critics are more plentiful than the fans.

During these instances, one has to really ask hard questions: Why am I doing this? Does it matter more that others approve of me? Or is it okay to simply approve of myself? Who determines whether or not I am successful?

I have asked myself all of these questions.

My answers are helping me to carry on during this difficult, transitional time of my life. Consequently, the answers I declare over myself—I am doing what I feel led to do; I approve of me; my success comes from God, not man—is being confirmed by others. My faithful encouragers have an uncanny way of knowing when I need them. Their words are much needed reminders that I am heading in the right direction.

My advice is to identify your faithful encouragers.

Do not tune them out because “they have to say nice things about you” or because “they are being biased.” Listen closely; often times, their encouragement is well-spoken and right on time.

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Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Everyone has responsibilities and no one is exempt from the consequences of either accepting or rejecting them.This concept might seem cut and dry to you, but it does not take long to realize that many, if not most, people are irresponsible.

We live in a society that views responsibility as the equivalent of leprosy.

The state of our country and economy is a perfect example of irresponsibility at its finest. Does anyone else find it a bit ridiculous that America has trillions of dollars in debt, no budget, and the senators have to be locked in a room to finally come up with some sort of plan? (That’s my laymen’s definition of sequestering.)

Sometimes I wish that I could print more money, which has no backing whatsoever, and pay off my debt. My life would get a lot easier, but that’s only because I would be thrown into prison for being a counterfeiter. Seems rather silly for me to even suggest printing funny money to pay my bills….but isn’t that what our government is doing?

I only use our government as an example because I believe that the current state of our nation reflects decades of busted philosophies, fed as truth, to the people.

Here’s what I am learning: There is no quick fix. If I want to get out of debt, I have to work my butt off. Likewise, if I want to lose weight, I have to work my butt off. I cannot eat cookies and have rock solid abs. I have tried and tried, but flab keeps winning!

Accepting responsibility for my actions is not always fun. I want to be mad at everyone for my debt, but I signed the papers. I want to yell at the scales, but I ate the cookies.

The true test comes when I have to face up to my responsibilities. Will I make the necessary changes? Well, that all depends…on me.

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Let’s Look Past the Differences

I spend a great deal of time reading. For this reason, I am always open to book and article suggestions. Something I have come to learn, however, is that most people are not this way. This realization astounds me for many different reasons. I do not want to waste my time discussing the disadvantages of the close minded, but I often wonder if constant aversions to change only add to the growing problems of developing friendships.

How can you get to know someone if the mountain of differences makes conversation impossible? I understand that everyone on this planet knows at least three people who make them cringe when they walk into the room. However, if I find offense with everyone I meet, I will be a very lonely person.

Lots of people want to label race, religion, or sexual orientation as the boundaries that separate the masses. While it is true that these factors do lead to obvious differences, I strongly believe that the true problem lies within each and every one of us: fear. We do not want to expose our own weaknesses or, if I may be frank, ignorance. Let me help you out: There will always be someone out there who knows more than you or is better at something than you.

This is a good thing. I find that I am challenged to do better, to be better by my friends. It is not always a verbal, “Get your act together, girl!” but I have learned a lot through observing my friends’ successes and failures.

I am not asking anyone to compromise their beliefs or commit major crimes. All I want to do is encourage others to not let differences become insurmountable. We have a lot to learn from each other and whether you want to believe it or not, we all need each other as well.