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Planning Vs. Living

It’s easy to look ahead—way ahead—and make plans. And there’s nothing wrong with plans. But all plans are subject to change at a minute’s notice. I cannot concretely tell you what I will be doing tomorrow or even an hour from now.

Some things are simply out of my control.

 That’s hard for me to accept. I want to perfectly map out my day, my week, my life.

I constantly have to say, “STOP! I don’t have to have everything figured out today!” That usually keeps my brain from exploding.

Here’s another thing that’s helped: I take a good look around me. I play a game with my siblings. We laugh and have a great time. I splash around in the pool with them and realize that they’re growing up before my eyes.

How much have I missed being so worried about tomorrow? Or today? Or next weekend?

 Because the truth is that I could drop dead at any moment. I know it’s a sobering and somewhat depressing realization, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

Now don’t go pitch your calendar and watch out the window. Don’t stop making plans. Just take a minute to ask yourself a few questions.

Are you glad to be alive today? 

Are your kids or grandkids or siblings growing up unnoticed?

Do you spend more time planning your life than actually living it?  

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The Problem With Might Nots

Next weekend I am moving up to the Washington State area to live closer to my dad and family up that way. These last several months have been rather surreal because it’s hard to believe that this move is actually happening.

Now it’s here and I’m so excited! There are still a lot of variables, but I’ve done all the research that I possibly can.

All that’s left is to move.

Our lives are in a constant state of transition. Learning and growing, opportunities arising, new horizons to be explored—these are normal, commonplace occurrences—are at least they should be.

Maybe you stopped reading this a few seconds ago because you think I’m a young, naïve daydreamer. You might be right. But I can’t stop moving forward because I might fail.

So many people are paralyzed by the words “might not.”

I might not get the job. I might not get married. I might not have any friends….The possibility of all your “might nots” coming true are slim to none.

Notice what I said: Of all your might nots. I didn’t say that there wouldn’t be a time that failure wouldn’t come.

But that doesn’t mean that you take up residence in a plastic bubble and stop trying.

I’m tired of being paralyzed by what “might not” happen. The only time I am guaranteed to fail is if I take no action.

Life is full of change. It can be scary at times. There are challenges and risks involved.

However, I’ve yet to meet someone who didn’t believe that the challenges and risks weren’t worth the rewards. The rewards outweighed the risks every single time.

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Reason to Celebrate

A couple of years ago I believed I would never have a relationship with my dad. I wanted to meet him but figured it would be one of those awkward “Hi, I’m your kid. Tell me your family’s medical history and I’ll be glad to get out of your hair” moments. We’d drink a cup of coffee, talk about the weather, and then go our separate ways.

I’m so glad that’s not how it went.

Despite the time I have with my dad now, I know what it’s like to grow up without parents. In fact, I used to be one of the most bitter and resentful people when it came to my parents.

No matter what anyone tells you kids want their parents to be around. But I used to be quick to tell you that I didn’t need my parents because I was getting along just fine without them.

Did I mention that I was a pretty good actress as well?

I was so excited to have my dad around that I started sifting through my life and got very critical. It’s like I had to find some way to reconcile my past and my present in order to make sense of it all.  

I forgot just how blessed I was to have grandparents who raised me like their own. I forgot how many people grafted me into their families.

Psalm 68: 6 says that God sets the solitary in families. He certainly did that for me.

So this Father’s Day I’m not just celebrating the restoration of my relationship with my dad. I’m also celebrating that my Heavenly Father blessed me with lots of family when I needed it most.

It’s my prayer that I can encourage those who are walking through a similar situation. I had a lot of people who helped me through, so how can I not do the same? 

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Circle of Counsel

I have found a downside to being young. It’s the invincibility complex. Do you remember when I hurt my knee? That was the result of feeling invincible. And you see how well that worked out for me.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to punch fear in the face and conquer the world. I think everyone should live with that attitude.

But like most things in life there’s a fine line between confidence and stupidity.

And in a lot of ways I wouldn’t even call it stupidity.

It’s actually an unwillingness to heed sound advice.

My dad would call that not being teachable. I am not saying to only try something when you’re perfect at it.

Who has ever benefited from that busted philosophy?

Not being teachable is an attitude of stubborn rebellion against those who not only are trying to help you but also those who are trying to teach you how to do something the right way.

If you’re familiar with the book of Proverbs, an ancient wisdom book found in the Bible, a lot of proverbs talk about the wisdom of sound counsel from a multitude of people.

More often than not, I fail when I refuse to heed the advice given by those in my circle of counsel.

Here’s my list of those in my circle: My parents, my grandparents, and a few close friends. I can always trust their advice and I always seek it out before making a big decision.

Who’s in your circle of counsel?

Choose wisely.

Put the right people in that circle and you’re bound to be successful.

But if that’s the case then the wrong people will point you down a path of destruction.

It matters who your friends are and whose advice you’re following.

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Who’s Watching You?

I’m getting a baby brother in September! Isn’t that awesome?

My day gets a little brighter each time I think of this precious, perfect little person who is a part of my family. Every human life is important and full of potential. There’s just something about babies though. Can you think of anything more innocent than a baby? Untouched by the evils of the world, seeing only opportunity, full of trust—babies are the purest of vessels.

I’m sounding like the narrator of a documentary…moving on.

So I’m getting a new baby brother and it has me thinking: What role do I play in his life? Because I don’t believe that the normal, stereotypical roles of big and little siblings are okay.

There’s a big age difference between us—twenty-three years—but that doesn’t matter. We can still have a good relationship.

In an attempt to mimic self-help gurus, I’ve come up with an acronym of sibling to describe the role I hope to play in my little brother’s life (don’t all barf at once):

Supportive at all times
Interested in his life and hobbies
Believer in his dreams
Loving through the good and bad
Invested in his future
Nonstop encourager
Gracious to forgive his mistakes

Maybe you’re an awesome role model and need few reminders to stay on track. But I find myself needing to be reminded of all the little eyes who are watching me. It’s often the people in our inner circles who suffer the most when we struggle.

This conversation is not meant to be a reprimand but an encouragement.

Think about where you’re falling short and make some improvements. Think about where you’re excelling and take notes.  Because someone is following in your footsteps.

My question for you today is simple.

Who’s watching you?

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Hard Truths

I’m a bit disappointed right now. Someone I love very dearly is suffering the consequences of poor decision making. They couldn’t see beyond their situation to the bright future ahead. All that was in sight was the fallout from others’ bad choices. So much so that my friend’s ability to choose a different outcome became blurred, lost in the smoke.

Do you know what the hardest part for me is? I couldn’t help my friend.

Talking did nothing. Tough love did nothing. A great number of family and friends reached out but none of us could make the final decision and bring about a positive outcome.

Can you relate?

Have you ever been so frustrated at a friend or loved one who refuses to change despite the obvious self-destruction taking place?

It’s hard to watch someone acquiesce to second best experiences.

I apologize for being a bit worked up. My heart is aching as I think about the brokenness in my friend. And this is not a singular incident. I’m tired of watching my friends and family strike out left and right.

How about you?

I realize I’m asking a lot of questions today but it’s only because I need some answers. Strike that. I know the answers but sometimes the truth’s hard to swallow.

Here’s the truth: Blame cannot easily be laid on others when the choice has always been ours. It’s hard to watch someone falsely believe that they can’t do any better. Or for someone to know they can do better but wonder what’s the point.

This is why I’m really struggling today. I watched someone make the wrong choice. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Maybe you guys can help me. I’ve come to grips with the reality that it’s out of my hands. But that doesn’t make it any easier. 

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Don’t Skip A Step

I played softball last weekend and learned a valuable lesson.

Before the game started I noticed that everyone was stretching. I remember thinking to myself that stretching wasn’t that necessary. This week my left leg has been a little sore, but I didn’t think anything about it. The other day I noticed some swelling and that’s when I got a little concerned.

A friend of mine runs a sports medicine clinic so I stopped by her office. Turns out nothing is seriously wrong with my leg—just a little soreness and inflammation from not stretching before the game.  

This lesson only reinforced what I’ve been learning: You can’t get to where you’re going without working hard where you are.

Students today are disillusioned by this notion they’ll be making a triple digit income straight out of college. They want to be paid as an expert while having the experience of an amateur.

That’s as absurd as me thinking that I didn’t need to stretch when I hadn’t played softball—or any sport for that matter—in over a year.

There are a lot of things I want to do. I try to take positive steps every day to reach my goals, but I am nowhere close to where I want to be. So I read books and follow blogs and talk with people who are a few steps ahead of me. When I’m at work I do my best because I can learn from every job experience.

Do you see where this is going?

I am by no means trying to reinvent the wheel.

Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, once said that when you make a product better, the people will demand that your business gets bigger.

I think this is true of individuals as well.

As I work harder to become better, other people can’t help but notice.  

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Training Future Generations

I read an article this week on the subject of children and independence. The author talked in-depth about her study of children from various tribes across the globe.

Apparently, their children have tons of freedom to explore and learn without constant adult supervision.

These native kids know survival skills such as hunting, fishing, and fire building by the age of five or six.

 The children of Western culture are way behind.

The author gives three problems as to why: They have too many planned activities, most adults consider them a nuisance, and they are woefully unhappy because of poor parenting practices.

For the most part, I agree with the author. It’s sad when parents scream at their children for making noise, when neighborhoods are not kid-friendly.

 I am so thank that my grandparents allowed me to be a kid. I was free to play outside, to explore my surroundings, and to make mistakes.

I could run, laugh, and be silly with little to no chastisement.

Don’t get me wrong. If I got out of line, there were consequences, but I felt safe within the confines of clear boundaries.

By no means was I killing bobcats with my bare hands or wielding knives to take down crocodiles. (That would’ve been awesome though!) At least I knew how to complete my chores. I was also capable of feeding and clothing myself.

 In today’s times, children are not treated with importance. Training and attention is needed to mold them into a future generation ready to take their place.

I am not a parent, but I have eyes.

It doesn’t take long to notice that children are crying out for attention, for someone to expect more out of them.

What’s the future going to look like if we continue to neglect the children in our care?

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A Different Path

Ms. Carol was an elderly woman who lived in a local nursing home. Every month or so, my me-maw would fix her hair and sometimes I would tag along. One day, I remember asking me-maw why Ms. Carol’s children never visited her. You couldn’t be around Ms. Carol long without noticing how sad she was. Even as a ten year old kid I knew something wasn’t right.

Unfortunately, Ms. Carol was not the best parent. Me-maw had known Ms. Carol for years and said she used to be a mean, hateful, and spiteful person. This news broke my heart. I didn’t like that Ms. Carol was alone or the fact that it was her own fault.

That’s the tricky part about consequences. Sometimes they are devastating. Left standing in the ruins of your own making, it’s hard to believe you allowed things to get this bad.

I found myself in this situation several years ago. Bitterness and unforgiveness had taken over my heart. I was sad, lonely, and angry. It took me a while to realize that the path I was on would produce nothing but more brokenness. Everything came down to one decision. No one else could make it for me.

Was I going to remain on the road to nowhere? Or would I choose to take a different path?

I chose a different path and so can you. Is holding on to pain and regret really worth being miserable? Ms. Carol made some bad choices, but she came to grips with her past faults and moved on.

No matter what you’ve done, there’s still hope. The only time change is unachievable is when you’re dead.

Ask some friends to help you through this process. Find a good counselor, if necessary, or visit with a local pastor. Help is out there.

You don’t have to walk alone anymore. 

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Expect more

I had a band director in high school who struck fear into the hearts of students. Everyone loved her—she deeply cared about us all—but mediocrity was not acceptable. Many times I came home thoroughly chastised for not knowing my part.

The cool thing is that our band always made it to the state competition and always placed at the top of our class. I whined a good bit because she was “so mean,” but now it’s clear that my teacher taught her students the importance of discipline.

Today discipline is a dirty word.

Teachers can’t expect their students to do excellent work. Parents can’t expect their children to do chores or even to behave. That’s too much pressure. Their poor little psyches can’t handle it!

I’m not bashing children—I love children!—but undisciplined, lazy children turn into undisciplined, lazy adults. I feel bad for the children who grow up with no expectations. Life is not going to be kind to them.

Furthermore, it saddens me a bit that no one expects young adults to act as such. I am twenty-two years old. If I start acting infantile, please don’t label me as another hopeless cause from the upcoming generation!

Challenge my behavior. Expect more.

Isn’t that what we all need? To be challenged? For the bar to be raised a little bit higher?  I think a change would sweep across this nation if the older generations would expect something more than immaturity from the younger generations.

Discipline and responsibility—any good character trait really—is not obtained at the grocery store.They are learned behaviors. Who’s supposed to teach us?  

Don’t throw the younger generations under the bus. Help us to become strong, mature adults who make a difference in this world.

After all, we are the future.