Character Corner

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The Importance of Strong Character

Last week I spoke on the subject of faulty perceptions. 

The key point was to not allow someone else’s judgments to cloud your own. There’s another element, however, that I didn’t cover: Your reputation—good or bad—tends to precede you. Sure, you might be able to cover up a character flaw, but not for long.

Here’s an example: I am notorious for over committing myself. This is an area that requires my utmost attention. Being overcommitted is not a sign of strong character.

It actually makes me look like someone with no focus or vision.

Nothing is more embarrassing than telling someone you can’t do something because of carelessness. No matter how much grace the other person extends, it still highlights your own irresponsibility.

What does this have to do with faulty perception?

Most flaws are character flaws, not personality flaws. Maybe you’re really struggling with punctuality or honesty or gratefulness. These issues have nothing to do with your personality! They have everything to do with a lack of strong character.

The good news is that strong character is developed like any muscle—with discipline.

I realize that some of us have greater obstacles to overcome than others. If you don’t know what to do, just start somewhere. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to pursue excellence. Write out a list of three to five things you can do to become a person of better character. Be proactive and accept responsibility for your current situation.

Don’t be a victim.

Take back control of your life and stop letting bad character affect your reputation.

And remember: The best way to receive grace is to extend it to others. Help a friend who’s fighting against the current, who’s working hard to make vital changes. Your encouragement might just be what keeps them on the right path. 

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Beware of Faulty Perceptions

I remember a game frequently played in my elementary school. The class would sit in a circle and a student was given a certain phrase by the teacher such as “Susie Q ate beef stew.” That student then had to whisper the phrase into the next student’s ear and so on. By the time it went around the room, “Mark W. liked dogs.” 

If you’re thinking, “That’s a lot like gossip!” You would be correct. It is gossip plain and simple.

And gossip is not an acceptable means to discern a person’s character. I’ve been working extra hard to not let the things I hear about someone affect my opinion of them before I even meet them.  

Let’s take this a step further: Have you ever shared a cup of coffee with a friend you thought you knew only to discover your perception of them was completely wrong?

This has happened to me several times and I’ve walked away shocked at how much I didn’t know.

I’m not talking about a topic that is foreign. Judging someone based on rumors, gossip, and hearsay has been going on since there were more people than just Adam and Eve on the earth.

All I want to do is stop it from poisoning my perception of others. Many friendships are left uncultivated because of a faulty perception and I’m tired of missing opportunities!

Furthermore, let’s extend some grace to each other.

I’m not always perfect. And I bet if you were being honest, you aren’t either.

It’s easy to throw someone else under the bus and forget that last month, last week, yesterday…you needed a good dose of grace too. Don’t be afraid to ditch gossip and extend grace. It could make all the difference. The bottom line is that perception is not often reality.       

Take a good look in the mirror. What is it not saying about you? 

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When the Chalk Dust Settles…

I am not a big fan of standardized tests.

Trying to measure intelligence using torture devices such as Scantrons and stuffy, windowless rooms is downright mean. Plus, people go into testing all stressed out because of high expectations. At least, that’s how I felt before every standardized test from elementary school through college. My stress level was through the roof!

It seemed as if the fate of my life rested on if I knew the circumference of a circle or the antonym of ambivalent or the number of protons in Californium.

Please do not take me as an opponent of education or as a slacker who has a vendetta against the education system. I am being a bit hyperbolic in order to prove a point about measuring success. I can remember time after time of cramming before tests and realizing a few weeks later that I did not remember anything. Though it’s quite shameful to admit now, at the time it didn’t matter whether I actually knew the material, only that I could regurgitate the correct answers.

Is it possible that by focusing on test results the quality of education is eroding?  

Some argue that if students were truly passionate, they would want to learn. Others say that teachers are burned out, so they do not make the subject matter fun. The political nuts scream out against corrupt politicians who are stealing money and robbing our children of a proper education. All of these answers have elements of truth, but I do not think that any one issue can be held solely responsible for the problem.

When the chalk dust settles, the real problem is plain: Both adults and children desire the riches of success and the expertise of professionals without putting in the work needed to achieve either.

By teaching children to expect something for nothing, I’m afraid that future generations, beginning with mine, are doomed to fail. 

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Will You Survive?

I read a lot of self-help books. It’s an addiction and I’m sure the teller at the thrift store thinks I need to see a counselor. Anyway, there is one thought that seems to make its way into every book:

You will never change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain needed to make a change.

Isn’t that what every self-help book is about?

Apathy is the biggest hindrance to change because it takes a lot of strength to face up to our monsters. And, often times, we merely wound our enemy—whatever it may be—instead of properly killing it the first time. For example, the other day I was driving down the road listening to “I Will Survive.” It was probably the first time I stopped grooving long enough to listen to the lyrics. The entire song is about this lady kicking her loser boyfriend to the curb and then coming home one day to find him sitting on her couch.

When I heard the words, “I should have changed that stupid lock! I should have made you leave your key! If I had known for just one second that you’d be back to bother me,” it’s like I was struck by lightning!

The easiest part of making a change is the radical, “get out of my life” phase.

Many people find it exciting because they enjoy throwing all the junk food in the garbage, bashing the computer with a sledge hammer, and cutting up all the credit cards. In all this extremism, however, it’s easy to forget that if you don’t deal with the root of the problem, sooner or later, you’ll come home to find it sitting on your couch.

Will you survive?

If you’re anything like Gloria Gaynor, you not only survive, but also do so while looking really hip in a sparkly, glittery dress. (Watch the music video and you’ll see what I mean.)

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The “Old Faithful” Kind of Friend

I have never been to Yellowstone National Park, but I hear that it’s beautiful. The one site everyone talks about is Old Faithful. This geyser is infamous for living up to its name. Can you imagine how bored park employees must get telling the same thing to enthusiastic travelers?

“Yep, it does this every day…I know, I know, it’s wonderful…”

In a lot of ways, our lives are the same way. Think of the friends and family who ALWAYS support you. If you want to be a rocket scientist, farmer, teacher, dog walker, computer software analyst—it doesn’t matter—they will encourage you to reach for the stars. However, when we are sitting alone in our room and doubt screams, “You will never succeed!” the voices of our faithful encouragers seem kind of faint.

Achieving your dreams is not easy and sometimes the critics are more plentiful than the fans.

During these instances, one has to really ask hard questions: Why am I doing this? Does it matter more that others approve of me? Or is it okay to simply approve of myself? Who determines whether or not I am successful?

I have asked myself all of these questions.

My answers are helping me to carry on during this difficult, transitional time of my life. Consequently, the answers I declare over myself—I am doing what I feel led to do; I approve of me; my success comes from God, not man—is being confirmed by others. My faithful encouragers have an uncanny way of knowing when I need them. Their words are much needed reminders that I am heading in the right direction.

My advice is to identify your faithful encouragers.

Do not tune them out because “they have to say nice things about you” or because “they are being biased.” Listen closely; often times, their encouragement is well-spoken and right on time.

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Whose Fault Is It Anyway?

Everyone has responsibilities and no one is exempt from the consequences of either accepting or rejecting them.This concept might seem cut and dry to you, but it does not take long to realize that many, if not most, people are irresponsible.

We live in a society that views responsibility as the equivalent of leprosy.

The state of our country and economy is a perfect example of irresponsibility at its finest. Does anyone else find it a bit ridiculous that America has trillions of dollars in debt, no budget, and the senators have to be locked in a room to finally come up with some sort of plan? (That’s my laymen’s definition of sequestering.)

Sometimes I wish that I could print more money, which has no backing whatsoever, and pay off my debt. My life would get a lot easier, but that’s only because I would be thrown into prison for being a counterfeiter. Seems rather silly for me to even suggest printing funny money to pay my bills….but isn’t that what our government is doing?

I only use our government as an example because I believe that the current state of our nation reflects decades of busted philosophies, fed as truth, to the people.

Here’s what I am learning: There is no quick fix. If I want to get out of debt, I have to work my butt off. Likewise, if I want to lose weight, I have to work my butt off. I cannot eat cookies and have rock solid abs. I have tried and tried, but flab keeps winning!

Accepting responsibility for my actions is not always fun. I want to be mad at everyone for my debt, but I signed the papers. I want to yell at the scales, but I ate the cookies.

The true test comes when I have to face up to my responsibilities. Will I make the necessary changes? Well, that all depends…on me.

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Let’s Look Past the Differences

I spend a great deal of time reading. For this reason, I am always open to book and article suggestions. Something I have come to learn, however, is that most people are not this way. This realization astounds me for many different reasons. I do not want to waste my time discussing the disadvantages of the close minded, but I often wonder if constant aversions to change only add to the growing problems of developing friendships.

How can you get to know someone if the mountain of differences makes conversation impossible? I understand that everyone on this planet knows at least three people who make them cringe when they walk into the room. However, if I find offense with everyone I meet, I will be a very lonely person.

Lots of people want to label race, religion, or sexual orientation as the boundaries that separate the masses. While it is true that these factors do lead to obvious differences, I strongly believe that the true problem lies within each and every one of us: fear. We do not want to expose our own weaknesses or, if I may be frank, ignorance. Let me help you out: There will always be someone out there who knows more than you or is better at something than you.

This is a good thing. I find that I am challenged to do better, to be better by my friends. It is not always a verbal, “Get your act together, girl!” but I have learned a lot through observing my friends’ successes and failures.

I am not asking anyone to compromise their beliefs or commit major crimes. All I want to do is encourage others to not let differences become insurmountable. We have a lot to learn from each other and whether you want to believe it or not, we all need each other as well.

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Sometimes It’s Good to be Unplugged, Take II

If you read my last post, you know that I was given the opportunity to write for the Marion Times-Standard. Well, they asked me to write an editorial for the paper every week! The editor told me that he could not guarantee that my editorials would run in every edition–and it’s unpaid as of right now–but it’s a start! Also, I get to write about whatever I want, so that’s awesome as well. I sent in a picture and get this: The title of my column is the same as my blog. Isn’t that cool?

This post may sound familiar toward the end. It’s actually part of an older post combined with some fresh perspective. This is my first submission for the paper as a regular contributor. Please leave your comments below and suggest some things you would like to read about in the editorials.

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Building relationships is hard work. I am starting to understand why people find it easier to park their cars in the garage and never speak to their neighbors. For one thing, there are a lot of awkward pauses and silences when you first get to know someone. It’s like a bad job interview that never really ends.

Once you get past the general questions—Married? Single? Have kids? If so, how many?—all that is left to do is stare at each other and scope out appearances. Well, he or she is clean and has good style, so they must be decent human beings…right?

I realize this example seems a bit extreme, but I know that I am speaking the truth. However, I am still hopeful that all is not lost. Not everyone lives in Mayberry, but developing meaningful relationships is possible whether you live in Marion or New York City.

The truth is that most people do not listen. It’s time to put down cell phones, to close laptops, to turn off televisions. Why not look someone in the eyes when carrying on a conversation? Then that person might, just might, be convinced that you are actually listening to them.

Technology is awesome, but I’m afraid that it is also ruining relationships. It’s so, so easy to be a lazy communicator when texting can get the job done just the same. When you opt out of social events to play video games or surf the web. When you like someone’s status on Facebook, but never talk to them in person.

Does anyone else see a problem?

Sometimes it’s good to be unplugged. It causes you to pay attention, to really listen. Don’t get me wrong. I love technology just as much as the next person, but technology CANNOT replace common courtesy, conversation, and personal relationships.

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Opening Doors of Opportunity

I have often heard of people praying for God to open doors for them. These same people usually ask God to close doors for them as well. This prayer has become the mantra of the masses and I only know this because I have prayed the same thing many, many times in hopes for a breakthrough.

One has to wonder if God ever gets tired of spending His time shutting and opening doors for us. Isn’t that the reason for discernment? I ask this question in the midst of decisions to be made in my own life.

Today I walked into town to run a few errands and something caught my eye: The door of the Marion Times-Standard office was open. I stopped just past the entrance and did a double take.

Go inside.

I paused a minute longer and continued on my way.

After I dropped off my dry cleaning, I traced my steps back to the office and obeyed. 

Here’s the truth about your dreams: No one is standing around thinking of ways to jumpstart them. I am quite sure there are plenty of people willing to help, but only you can start the process. The door being opened at the Marion Times-Standard definitely kick started my thinking, but the opportunity would have been there even if I opened the door myself.

I am ready to pursue opportunity. That means I might be rejected and criticized along the way. That means discouragement and apathy will whisper—no scream—in my ear as I work to become disciplined. However, my dreams are worth it—I am worth it—so I choose to pursue opportunity.

 No matter where you live one thing is certain: Men and women of vision and character are needed. It’s time to stop hiding out from our fears and uncertainties. Of course, you should always be on the lookout for open doors, but don’t be afraid to open them either.

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Sometimes It’s Good to be Unplugged

Imagine being six years old and sitting in the doctor’s office.

Your hearing test was abnormal, so your mom takes you to the doctor.

The doctor comes into the room and goes about the normal procedure: Listens to your heart; checks your eyes, ears, throat, and reflexes; flips through your chart while asking questions.  

He takes a closer look at your ears and says, “Aha! I see a slight blockage in your left ear. We’re going to clean it out, okay?”

A few minutes later the nurse comes into the room with a syringe. The alarm bells start going off because you realize they’re about to give you a shot in the ear…

What to do? Scream, of course, what else is there to do?

The nurses eventually peel you off the ceiling while reassuring you that there is no needle. They’re irrigating your ear because it’s stopped up like a pipe.

This is a true story.

I was that little girl.

Thinking back, the story is actually quite hilarious. However, the situation didn’t seem all that funny back then.

The truth is that most people do not listen.

What?

You didn’t hear me?

Why don’t you try putting down your cell phone? That might help.

Yes, close your laptop. Look me in the eyes.

Act like you are actually listening to what I am saying.

Technology is awesome, but I’m afraid that it is also ruining relationships. This might sound weird, but I wholeheartedly believe that technology can be a waxy buildup at times.

It’s so, so easy to be a lazy communicator when texting can get the job done just the same.

When you opt out of social events to play video games or surf the web.

When you like someone’s status on Facebook, but never talk to them in person.

Does anyone else see a problem?

Sometimes it’s good to be unplugged.

It causes you to pay attention, to really listen.

Don’t get me wrong. I love technology just as much as the next person, but technology CANNOT replace common courtesy, conversation, and personal relationships.