dreams

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A little back story required

You may already know this, but I met my dad for the first time five years ago. I don’t talk about it much here because I write exclusively about it on my family’s website (link below).

I spent the summer after my junior year of college in British Colombia, Canada so I could get to know my newfound family better.

It was a wild ride, for sure.

My feelings were all over the map and I didn’t know if I had made the right decision by agreeing to come for the summer or even by agreeing to give my dad a chance.

Latest family photo by our friend Derek Crosby of Greater Image Photography

Latest family photo by our friend Derek Crosby of Greater Image Photography

It was my first time to get a passport, to fly, to leave the country, to meet my stepmom and siblings.

So many firsts…..

And I was already feeling like a social pariah.

It’s not like you can explain away how you are the daughter no one knew about.

“I’m a really nice person—not an axe murderer or a tax evader. Seriously, I was just as surprised as you are when I found out the whole story. None of this is my fault.”

See how much I ramble when I’m nervous?

Well, the summer went okay. There were some bumps along the way, but it was a good start to our adventure towards restoration. It was a summer of wrapping our thinking around this new reality.

I’m sharing all of this to give you the back story of my new logo.

My next post will explain the dream that helped our family cope throughout this crazy time. (And, no, it was not a dream caused by licking the caps of poisonous mushrooms.)

You’ll understand more tomorrow.

Until then, check out my family’s website: http://www.thehollimans.com/

3 Comments Posted on Character Corner, Daily Blogs

Dare to be seen

Saying something out loud helps me release the thoughts bouncing  around my head like caged monkeys.
This is not easy, especially for a professional emotions stuffer like myself.

Letting the cat out of the bag means you can’t put it back in–and that’s scary.

Here’s what’s scarier: Being invisible, a bench warmer, an old lady or old man filled with regret over things not spoken and dreams left to die.

Never talking, never being seen or known is a crummy option that stunts personal growth.

Here’s a question to think about:

What would happen if you talked to that friend or relative? If you dusted off that dream?

Dare to speak, to show up.

I’m right beside you in this one, okay? We can do this together.

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Becoming friends with failure

My relationship with gravity is a bit tricky….

Cracks in the sidewalks? They are my enemy. I’m pretty sure they snicker every time I trip. Dancing in front of people? Not gonna happen. I will not be on Dancing with the Stars anytime soon.

I always look around if I fall or spill my drink or knock the entire contents of my purse onto the floor.

It’s embarrassing. No one else is that clumsy, right? No one else falls or makes mistakes or….

How ridiculous does this sound? Of course other people make mistakes! Of course they trip and fall on their behinds.

Me dancing like no one's watching (even though everyone was watching).

Me dancing like no one’s watching (even though everyone was watching).

So why spend so much time running away from failure?

For me, it’s because I don’t want to look like an idiot. I’m not the biggest fan of taking risks and it’s a lot easier to blend in. I want to stay safe and comfortable.

Safety and comfort are bad friends. They tell a lot of lies.

Yes, yes. That’s way too hard for you. Just stay back here and watch so-and-so. They are a lot better at it than you anyway.

Failing at something doesn’t make you a failure.

Scientists don’t cry because their experiment didn’t work out the first time. They just say, “Uh. That didn’t work out. Okay. Let’s try it again, but tweak this and that.”

Athletes don’t freak out when they miss a goal. Sure, they may be disappointed, but they just work harder to make the next shot.

We all fail. We all make mistakes. You’re not alone, okay?

Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from trying new and exciting things.

Here’s what many people won’t tell you:

Success has a little brother. His name is Failure. They actually have a great relationship. And you can’t be friends with one without being friends with the other.

Leave a comment Posted on Faith Journeys, Family

The Ultimate Tragedy

I had the opportunity to pre-screen The Song. It was such a great movie! 

Imagine a love story by Nicholas Cage–minus the death–and the life of King Solomon modernized. The movie was real, messy even, and yet moving.

Here’s what I took away:

For years, I wondered what would’ve made me enough for my parents to stay. My dad was not in the picture. My mom chose men and addictions over her children. These memories have left a deep impression.

I daily have to stop myself from going back to those times, to adding disappointment to everything now. This calculated disappointment is crippling. Imagine going from color to black and white. The fuzzy, hazy hue distorts any goodness.

The same thing happened to Jed (the main character of The Song). His life fluctuated between seasons of hardship and overwhelming goodness. All along, he couldn’t see the beauty of his marriage to Rose or the joy in his son’s eyes. Even when his dreams came true it was never enough.

I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I’ve missed it.

How sad would that be?

The goodness and bounty of God’s love squandered because of past hurts. Never letting myself heal and experience God’s best for my life.

That’s the ultimate tragedy.

Worse than a bad childhood. Worse than a dead end career. Worse than never having a family of your own.

All of those things pale in comparison to not recognizing the goodness around you.  

I’m tired of missing it.

I’m ready to let the winds of change, the breath of God Himself, carry me farther than I ever dreamed.

Question: What’s holding you back from experiencing God’s best for you?

5 Comments Posted on Character Corner

A Life of Resolve

Resolutions are not just made at New Year’s.

They are also made at the beginning of summer. That magical time of year when a woman realizes she cannot wear a two piece bathing suit. It’s been her aim for the last fifteen years to lose an incredible amount of weight and wow everyone with her awesome new look.

At the first signs of spring, gym membership increases, weight loss programs sell a lot of chalky tasting food, and people make their final resolution…again.I am not being cruel! I have been one of these people! And not only about losing weight, but a lot of other things as well. My excuses are endless: I’ve been busy, sick, tired, unmotivated. These are legitimate excuses at times, but every time? I have abandoned so many plans, left so many to-do lists undone.

I’ve committed criminal negligence against my dreams.

My negligence puts me in a vulnerable position. When I watch someone else who’s working hard to accomplish their goals I get mad, defensive even. This person might be a family member or close friend, so then I feel guilty over my jealous anger. Where I used to extend grace and mercy, now I can only find fault. Can anyone else relate? I am not sharing this information for the fun of it. To judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions is pure lunacy.

This battle, action versus intention, has destroyed many relationships because the standards are so unfair.  

Don’t abandon your dreams and become a cynic of those who refuse to quit. Own up to your failures. Expose your weaknesses. Learn how to endure. This is the key to leaving the mountain of broken resolutions behind in order to live a life of resolve. 

What steps are you taking to live a life of resolve?