You are more likely to be struck by lightening while being attacked by a shark than winning the lottery.

It’s true.

And yet the number of lottery tickets bought each year is only getting bigger.

Why is that?

Here’s my theory:

Microwaves are the problem.You can now zap fry anything and it’s ruining America.

I can eat a frozen dinner while writing a paper while watching an episode of Seinfeld while buying a pair of shoes while checking my email while scrolling through my newsfeed while paying bills while on eHarmony while buying plane tickets while placing a bet on the next horse race.

And I never have to leave my house or change out of my PJS.

It’s the American dream, right?

Everything I want can be mine….right now!

No need for patience and long term planning. (Only people with flip phones still do that.)

This is the only reason why people buy lottery tickets: The hope of instantaneously falling into the good life.

Our microwaveable culture is even creeping into churches.

Why bother working and serving in ambiguity when you can take the stage and preach? You have the answers that will solve all the problems in modern Christianity. And you’re only 22!

(Please be sure to donate your brain to science one day, okay? We’d all like to know how you became as wise as Solomon so quickly.)

There’s no such thing as a microwaveable life.

The quicker we abandon this idea, the better.

Now did anyone eat Chinese today? I need the lucky numbers from your fortune cookie.  

I want to buy a lottery ticket before going on my deep sea fishing trip during the thunderstorm.

I’m feeling lucky!