Advice

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Good friends are noticers

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” (Proverbs 27:6)

It’s hard to think of wounds being a sign of love.

But wouldn’t you rather a friend correct you, to notice and care about the decisions you are making?

This is a silly illustration, but it’s  a classic:

Having a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth all day, but no one tells you.

What’s the first thing you say?

Why didn’t you tell me?!?!?

Ouch moments are great tests of character.

Nothing says “there’s still room for growth” like your mistakes being noticed.

When facing an ouch moment, I have to battle three things: embarrassment, anger, and pride.

I have to filter all of these feelings–as well as who’s doing the noticing–before responding.

Please don’t read this and think I’m talking about rolling over and letting someone squash you like a bug.

Remember what the proverb said?

Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

Friends correct out of love. They are lovingly pointing out your mistakes–not rubbing it in your face or shaming  you in the process.

Friends are trying to help you.

If all of your friends are kissing your cheeks and telling you how awesome you are….well, read the rest of the proverb, okay?

In a healthy friendship, each person grows.

Here’s another proverb:

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. (Proverbs 27:17)

If I’m not careful, I can resent correction. My natural inclination is to believe that others are out to get me.

But that attitude is destructive, which is why I have to beat it down daily.

Meaningful friendships are worth more than gold.

We need to give our friends permission to notice things –even the not so great things.

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Circle of Counsel

I have found a downside to being young. It’s the invincibility complex. Do you remember when I hurt my knee? That was the result of feeling invincible. And you see how well that worked out for me.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to punch fear in the face and conquer the world. I think everyone should live with that attitude.

But like most things in life there’s a fine line between confidence and stupidity.

And in a lot of ways I wouldn’t even call it stupidity.

It’s actually an unwillingness to heed sound advice.

My dad would call that not being teachable. I am not saying to only try something when you’re perfect at it.

Who has ever benefited from that busted philosophy?

Not being teachable is an attitude of stubborn rebellion against those who not only are trying to help you but also those who are trying to teach you how to do something the right way.

If you’re familiar with the book of Proverbs, an ancient wisdom book found in the Bible, a lot of proverbs talk about the wisdom of sound counsel from a multitude of people.

More often than not, I fail when I refuse to heed the advice given by those in my circle of counsel.

Here’s my list of those in my circle: My parents, my grandparents, and a few close friends. I can always trust their advice and I always seek it out before making a big decision.

Who’s in your circle of counsel?

Choose wisely.

Put the right people in that circle and you’re bound to be successful.

But if that’s the case then the wrong people will point you down a path of destruction.

It matters who your friends are and whose advice you’re following.

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Three Questions to Consider When Seeking Advice

 I love to give other people advice, and I love to receive advice from other people.

Often times, though, there is a gap between giving and receiving advice and actually implementing it. This inconsistency is part of the human condition, but it can be conquered with persistence.

Most of the New Testament is an instruction book. I realize that I have been talking a lot about the Bible.

Let me explain.

My thinking has radically changed about the Bible. I am learning that my life will all be for naught without Christ and the transforming power of His living word, the Bible.

But what does this have to do with giving and receiving advice?

The Old Testament laws were often hard to keep, but the New Testament instructions are possible if you’re walking in grace.

Grace is God’s DNA coursing through your veins.

Grace pushes you closer and closer to Christ, so that you begin to look more like Him.

Follow Christ, walk in grace, and be transformed by the power of God’s word.

That’s the New Testament in a nutshell.

I am telling you all of this because the best advice to follow is godly in nature.

The Bible is where you filter all advice that comes your way. It helps you find the biblical principles to back up the changes that need to be made in your life.

There are two Scriptures that best illustrate this point. The first is found in Ezekiel 33: 31-33:

“So they come to you as people do, they sit before you as My people, and they hear your words, but they do not do them; for with their mouth they show much love, but their hearts pursue their own gain. Indeed you are to them as a very lovely song of one who has a pleasant voice and can play well on an instrument; for they hear your words but they do not do them. And when this comes to pass—surely it will come—then they will know that a prophet has been among them.”

I don’t know about you, but I can totally relate to this passage. I have been given advice, ignored it, and then saw the prophecy come to pass. Conversely, I have also heeded sound advice and reaped the benefits.

The second Scripture, Acts 17:11, is probably more familiar to you.

“[The Bereans] were more fair-minded than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness, and searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether these things were so.”

The Bereans understood that it was ultimately their responsibility to teach themselves good doctrine. It’s always easier to spot a phony when you are educated and informed.

All of this said there are three basic questions to ask when seeking advice:

  1. Who is giving this advice? Are they trustworthy? Responsible? In a place to be giving out advice?  
  2. What Scripture(s) back up this advice?
  3. If Questions 1 and 2 can be answered, what’s my plan of action?

If you walk away with nothing else from this post, keep this in mind:

Advice, much like exercise equipment, only works when it’s put in use.