Character Corner

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The Overcommitment Trap

It is really easy to overcommit, especially if you’re a person like me. 

I want to help people. 

I want to encourage them in all of their endeavors. 

I want to not say no…

And here is the rub: I can’t say yes to everything. 

Overcommitting stresses you out and it guarantees that your best intentions will fall short because of other spinning plates. 

So, how do you keep yourself from overcommitting?

By keeping your priorities straight. 

My first priority is being a student at Rhema. 

I didn’t move out to Tulsa, Oklahoma for any other reason. There’s nothing wrong with helping, volunteering, and working–I just can’t lose my focus. 

Everything else I do can’t take away from my training or else I’m missing out on why I came. 

I’m primarily reminding myself of these truths tonight because I have already been tempted to overcommit.

Though, I hope my personal reminder will encourage you to make wise choices with your time as well. 

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BFFs and such

One of my best friends lives in Canada. She’s actually more like my sister, which is awesome because I always wanted a big sister growing up. 

You know the cliche that friends are the family that you choose?

I wholeheartedly believe it to be true because I have a small group of friends who have become my family. 

We’ve weathered many storms together and I know who to call whenever I need prayer. 

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you know my personal stance on the idea of doing life alone:Just don’t do it!

We need family. 

We need friends. 

We need a community. 

The Bible says that loners rage against all sound wisdom. 

I’m so blessed to have great friends. The Lord has always put people on my path to encourage me and challenge me towards spiritual growth. 

Friendship matters. And all of the cliches and warnings from your elders are true. 

You really do become like the people you hang around. 

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No glory hogs allowed 

Taking all the glory for yourself is selfish. 

And no one likes a glory hog…

I was watching Cake Wars today and not one chef thanked the other people who helped him or her throughout the competition.

You can’t go through life alone. 

We all are surrounded by a network of people who help us accomplish great things. 

Maybe you’re a business owner with cutting edge ideas. 

Maybe you’re a manager navigating the employees beneath you and the corporate officials above you. 

Whatever the situation maybe, teamwork is crucial. And too often the people who are helping get no credit for their work. 

Look at what I did!

See how great my work on this project turned out?

Meanwhile, all the other workers are catching their breath from going nonstop to ensure your success. 

Don’t forget to thank  your helpers and encouragers. 

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The trouble with being famous

I watched American Idol tonight for the first time in about 5-6 years. 

Most of the people auditioning were teenagers around 15-18.

They were good, though, I am shocked that their parents are allowing them to be thrust into the public eye at such an early age. 

No pile of money is retribution enough for the microscope of celebrity status. 

Of course, American Idol is a wonderful way to get discovered as well.

Maybe I should call this post “The Pros and Cons of American Idol”….

Let me ask some questions that I hope do a better job at explaining why I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing:

  • What motivates someone to seek out the spotlight?
  • Can nationwide approval truly offer validation?
  • Is he or she prepared to pay the high cost of fame?

There’s a possibility that I am overthinking, but these are the questions that came to my mind as I watched the show. 

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If left alone

An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. 

Newton’s First Law of Motion can teach us a lot about our habits and thought life. 

Another way of defining this law is: An object will keep doing what it’s doing if left alone. 

Aren’t we all the same way?

  • I would eat cheeseburgers everyday if left alone. 
  • I would be a negative person if left alone. 
  • I would still be scared of my own shadow if left alone. 

Wallowing in the past and running toward destruction are both unhealthy responses that lead to nowhere. 

Why is it so hard to get unstuck?

Why is it so hard to go in a different direction?

Newton’s Laws of Motion talk about much more than physics. 

  • Stepping on the scale again was my unbalanced force. 
  • Missing out on deeper, more meaningful relationships was my unbalanced force. 
  • Waking up at 24 and having a mile long wish list of dreams was my unbalanced force. 

Imagine a game of pool.
Nothing would change if  the cue ball (the unbalanced force) didn’t crash into the other balls. 

The best way to get moving again or to change directions is to be hit with an unbalanced force. 

Change is scary, but staying stuck is even scarier. 

And to think no one likes physics…

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The everyday superhero

I’m always amazed at shows where there’s a masked hero and no one recognizes him or her. 

How is it possible that none of their closest friends and family figure it out?

No wonder the job of a hero is lonely work. 

I guess that’s why every hero needs a sidekick. You gotta share that burden with someone, right?

We all have to grapple with this desire to be seen and recognized for our contributions. 

On the one side, there’s nothing wrong with giving credit where credit is due. 

On the other side, doing something out of a self-seeking, look at me attitude is a bad idea. 

And I think that’s why encouraging others is one of my favorite things to do. 

Just by paying attention you can brighten someone’s day. You also help that individual see things they are overlooking about themselves. 

Don’t miss out on an opportunity to encourage the people around you. 

You never know when one small act of kindness can save the day. 

I’m a firm believer that encouragement is a super power. 

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An outstretched hand

There’s nothing wrong with being weak sometimes. We all need help. 

The Bible talks about how God is our strength when we are weak. 

The Bible also talks about bearing one another’s burdens and helping each other carry them to the Lord. 

I’m not the best at allowing others to see me down. We’ve talked about this many times, but here’s something new I’m learning:

An element of building trust in a relationship is to ask for help.  

Do you know that it’s hard for others to trust you when you won’t ask for help?

Dr. Brene Brown talks about this in her lecture on The Anatomy of Trust (It’s a free class she offers at  courageworks.com). 

Slap away an extended hand too many times and you’ll find yourself all alone. 

One of my goals in 2016 is to get better at asking for and accepting help. 

I know that the Lone Ranger mentality is glorified in western culture, but it’s a myth. 

You can’t go it alone. 

 

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Open doors

I know we all want to have conversations about more than the weather, celebrity gossip, and sports.

Deeper.

More meaningful.

Heart matters.

All of these phrases are used to describe the genuine, intimate relationships we desire with our friends and family.

I have some bad news though….

Small talk about the “trivial” things of life leads to open doors into the lives of others.

I’m speaking from experience–and if that doesn’t convince you then I’ll appeal to your reasoning.

Small talk helps you gain trust with others.

Trust comes with time.

Trust comes in small moments (or conversations).

Because there’s nothing worse than sharing something with an untrustworthy person.

Trust is like the roller coaster ride where you shoot straight up into the air and then the ride stops at the tip-top. You don’t know when it going to drop…..and then it does!

Whoosh!

As you drop back down, your stomach comes up into your throat.

The experience splits in two at this point:

  1. You get off the ride feeling a bit dizzy, but you’re still standing.
  2. You get off the ride and immediately hurl everywhere.

(You’re smart enough to see which situation involves a trustworthy and untrustworthy person.)

And this is the best illustration I have about trust, which leads me back to conversations.

Don’t give up on small talk. It’s a crucial part of seeing who is trustworthy and who is not.

I look at small talk as the opportunity to spot open doors.

Get to know someone, build up trust via small talk, and they will open the door for you to talk with them about the things that matter.

Don’t forget your manners either.

Busting the door down means you might not get another invitation.

Why don’t you try knocking first?

 

 

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The gift of empathy

7-christmas-tree-backgroundI bumped into a bad memory last night. It happens from time to time….

I allowed myself to think back to the people involved, the events of the evening, and the décor of the room.

The emotions were strong and I found myself gasping for breath. I was choking–trapped–in the moment and all I wanted to do was run out the door.

I’m sharing this story with you because I learned something in the process:

You can deconstruct the past, face the truth, and then move on.

The reason people remain stuck in the past is that they never learn how to see it from a place of freedom.

I am free from the pain, shame, and guilt of my past. (Notice that I didn’t say sadness of my past. It’s not possible to remove the sadness.)

With time and a year of counseling, I stopped seeing my past as a bully that’s holding my present hostage and casting a shadow over my future.

I can now face up to the memories instead of running from them.

Christmas will be here in 3 days and Facebook posts are already warning us to be sensitive to the hurts and pains of others.

No one can have a good Christmas (and don’t even think of sharing your joy online) because hurting people will be scrolling through their newsfeeds.

This kind of attitude is detrimental.

Even if everyone didn’t share about their holidays, there would still be hurt in the world.

There is nothing sympathetic about making others feel guilty. Likewise, there is nothing empathetic about walking around on eggshells.

Why don’t we comfort our hurting friends and family?

Take hold of their hands, give them a hug, and sit with them through the tears.

This is genuine empathy and it leads to healing.

There’s no magic formula for grief and sadness, but genuine empathy is the greatest gift you can give this Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Change of plans

This Monday did not go according to plan, but it turned out much better than I could’ve imagined. 

Some days everything gets changed on a dime–and that throws me for a loop. 

I’m learning, though, that a change of plans doesn’t mean the whole day is ruined. 

Goodness…I’m a slow learner. 

Rolling with the punches is not my strong suit. I have to consciously say, “Life will go on.“

(I try to be as easy going as possible, but my perfectionist side sneaks up on me.)

Keep this in mind as Christmas gets closer. 

What’s most important is not having everything go according to schedule. 

And I hope you guys are faster at learning this lesson than I am.