Month: May 2013

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Who’s Watching You?

I’m getting a baby brother in September! Isn’t that awesome?

My day gets a little brighter each time I think of this precious, perfect little person who is a part of my family. Every human life is important and full of potential. There’s just something about babies though. Can you think of anything more innocent than a baby? Untouched by the evils of the world, seeing only opportunity, full of trust—babies are the purest of vessels.

I’m sounding like the narrator of a documentary…moving on.

So I’m getting a new baby brother and it has me thinking: What role do I play in his life? Because I don’t believe that the normal, stereotypical roles of big and little siblings are okay.

There’s a big age difference between us—twenty-three years—but that doesn’t matter. We can still have a good relationship.

In an attempt to mimic self-help gurus, I’ve come up with an acronym of sibling to describe the role I hope to play in my little brother’s life (don’t all barf at once):

Supportive at all times
Interested in his life and hobbies
Believer in his dreams
Loving through the good and bad
Invested in his future
Nonstop encourager
Gracious to forgive his mistakes

Maybe you’re an awesome role model and need few reminders to stay on track. But I find myself needing to be reminded of all the little eyes who are watching me. It’s often the people in our inner circles who suffer the most when we struggle.

This conversation is not meant to be a reprimand but an encouragement.

Think about where you’re falling short and make some improvements. Think about where you’re excelling and take notes.  Because someone is following in your footsteps.

My question for you today is simple.

Who’s watching you?

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Hard Truths

I’m a bit disappointed right now. Someone I love very dearly is suffering the consequences of poor decision making. They couldn’t see beyond their situation to the bright future ahead. All that was in sight was the fallout from others’ bad choices. So much so that my friend’s ability to choose a different outcome became blurred, lost in the smoke.

Do you know what the hardest part for me is? I couldn’t help my friend.

Talking did nothing. Tough love did nothing. A great number of family and friends reached out but none of us could make the final decision and bring about a positive outcome.

Can you relate?

Have you ever been so frustrated at a friend or loved one who refuses to change despite the obvious self-destruction taking place?

It’s hard to watch someone acquiesce to second best experiences.

I apologize for being a bit worked up. My heart is aching as I think about the brokenness in my friend. And this is not a singular incident. I’m tired of watching my friends and family strike out left and right.

How about you?

I realize I’m asking a lot of questions today but it’s only because I need some answers. Strike that. I know the answers but sometimes the truth’s hard to swallow.

Here’s the truth: Blame cannot easily be laid on others when the choice has always been ours. It’s hard to watch someone falsely believe that they can’t do any better. Or for someone to know they can do better but wonder what’s the point.

This is why I’m really struggling today. I watched someone make the wrong choice. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Maybe you guys can help me. I’ve come to grips with the reality that it’s out of my hands. But that doesn’t make it any easier. 

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Don’t Skip A Step

I played softball last weekend and learned a valuable lesson.

Before the game started I noticed that everyone was stretching. I remember thinking to myself that stretching wasn’t that necessary. This week my left leg has been a little sore, but I didn’t think anything about it. The other day I noticed some swelling and that’s when I got a little concerned.

A friend of mine runs a sports medicine clinic so I stopped by her office. Turns out nothing is seriously wrong with my leg—just a little soreness and inflammation from not stretching before the game.  

This lesson only reinforced what I’ve been learning: You can’t get to where you’re going without working hard where you are.

Students today are disillusioned by this notion they’ll be making a triple digit income straight out of college. They want to be paid as an expert while having the experience of an amateur.

That’s as absurd as me thinking that I didn’t need to stretch when I hadn’t played softball—or any sport for that matter—in over a year.

There are a lot of things I want to do. I try to take positive steps every day to reach my goals, but I am nowhere close to where I want to be. So I read books and follow blogs and talk with people who are a few steps ahead of me. When I’m at work I do my best because I can learn from every job experience.

Do you see where this is going?

I am by no means trying to reinvent the wheel.

Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A, once said that when you make a product better, the people will demand that your business gets bigger.

I think this is true of individuals as well.

As I work harder to become better, other people can’t help but notice.  

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Training Future Generations

I read an article this week on the subject of children and independence. The author talked in-depth about her study of children from various tribes across the globe.

Apparently, their children have tons of freedom to explore and learn without constant adult supervision.

These native kids know survival skills such as hunting, fishing, and fire building by the age of five or six.

 The children of Western culture are way behind.

The author gives three problems as to why: They have too many planned activities, most adults consider them a nuisance, and they are woefully unhappy because of poor parenting practices.

For the most part, I agree with the author. It’s sad when parents scream at their children for making noise, when neighborhoods are not kid-friendly.

 I am so thank that my grandparents allowed me to be a kid. I was free to play outside, to explore my surroundings, and to make mistakes.

I could run, laugh, and be silly with little to no chastisement.

Don’t get me wrong. If I got out of line, there were consequences, but I felt safe within the confines of clear boundaries.

By no means was I killing bobcats with my bare hands or wielding knives to take down crocodiles. (That would’ve been awesome though!) At least I knew how to complete my chores. I was also capable of feeding and clothing myself.

 In today’s times, children are not treated with importance. Training and attention is needed to mold them into a future generation ready to take their place.

I am not a parent, but I have eyes.

It doesn’t take long to notice that children are crying out for attention, for someone to expect more out of them.

What’s the future going to look like if we continue to neglect the children in our care?

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A Different Path

Ms. Carol was an elderly woman who lived in a local nursing home. Every month or so, my me-maw would fix her hair and sometimes I would tag along. One day, I remember asking me-maw why Ms. Carol’s children never visited her. You couldn’t be around Ms. Carol long without noticing how sad she was. Even as a ten year old kid I knew something wasn’t right.

Unfortunately, Ms. Carol was not the best parent. Me-maw had known Ms. Carol for years and said she used to be a mean, hateful, and spiteful person. This news broke my heart. I didn’t like that Ms. Carol was alone or the fact that it was her own fault.

That’s the tricky part about consequences. Sometimes they are devastating. Left standing in the ruins of your own making, it’s hard to believe you allowed things to get this bad.

I found myself in this situation several years ago. Bitterness and unforgiveness had taken over my heart. I was sad, lonely, and angry. It took me a while to realize that the path I was on would produce nothing but more brokenness. Everything came down to one decision. No one else could make it for me.

Was I going to remain on the road to nowhere? Or would I choose to take a different path?

I chose a different path and so can you. Is holding on to pain and regret really worth being miserable? Ms. Carol made some bad choices, but she came to grips with her past faults and moved on.

No matter what you’ve done, there’s still hope. The only time change is unachievable is when you’re dead.

Ask some friends to help you through this process. Find a good counselor, if necessary, or visit with a local pastor. Help is out there.

You don’t have to walk alone anymore.